As I was typing responses to the comments from yesterday (I often answer back... does anyone actually go back to see if I replied?), I realized that my coment was getting mega-long so I figured I'd put it in its own entry.
*laffin* *HUGZ*iggy, ya silly silly man.Yes, preparing panties for flinging on Tuesday and adding the transparent bullseye to the tv would really distract me from everything.... even some things I need not be distracted from.
With that situation...hmm... regret, maybe for going through with something I somehow knew in my gut wasnt going to end well. Self-blame for the same as well as the "I wasn't good enough to make things work" really are the hardest to defeat. I ~really~ need to quit comparing my life to my mom's. *UGH* The unfortunate fact is that I've used my parents' marriage as a guide to measure up to. They made theirs work, even with as cranky as each can get...why couldn't I? I know, I know, different situations. I'd always hoped for a marriage like theirs, NOT my uncle's (he's been married 5 times!).
The "What if" doesnt factor in because what if I stayed, it woulda meant worse violence and possibly death. I suspect he woulda ended up in jail one way or another anyhow.
I'm not sure how much stronger it's made me to be honest. At least I havent seen anything that's changed much. Oh, I am more likely to state my opinions (and firmly)...yeah... but in group situations (at least at first) I still find myself reverting to old ways. The question I have for myself is, have I always been like this OR is it simply due to habits created over that decade? Until I can answer THAT, certain things simply wont be able to be fixed and some of those doubts and regrets will remain. Heh. Some would say that the simple fact I acknowledge that means Im on my way to recovery....
Aww thanks Jeannie!*HUGZ* *stifles a virtual sneeze*
I know, wifey, I know. Glad to know I aint the only one.*HUGZ*
*nods @ Yaya*. There's alotta good ones in there. It took a few minutes of hitting the re-create to get some of the words to line up just right. *HUGZ*
*HUGZ* thanks Deanna (ooh that STILL feels weird typing). I know I did. I just wish I knew something nicer was coming along back then.
*HUGZ* Karla. I know you will. Thank goodness some of us dont update more than once or twice a week, eh?
Thanks Melissa. I'd been seeing quite a few bloggers lately that have been doing fund raisers or asking for prayers for family. I wish I'd thought of this before. Often times all anyone can do to help is pray and leave some kind words. All I ask is that my readers go and visit these blogs. If you can help, fantastic! If not, a few kind words or suggestions to help alleviate the situation are always welcome. *HUGZ*
*HUGZ* Pam. There's alot to learn about me. It all started as a way for therapy and to keep people updated. When I left my first husband, I got alot of "I didnt realize that was happening" from my family and friends. I vowed to never have that happen again. So I started 2 blogs. One was to deal with the fractured mind and help me deal with the feelings and the memories of that hateful creature I'd been married to. I figured it would help to get it all written out. The other was to keep the family and friends updated with the NOW life. That way no one could never say "I didn't know".