Responses to Saturday's comments

As I was typing responses to the comments from yesterday (I often answer back... does anyone actually go back to see if I replied?), I realized that my coment was getting mega-long so I figured I'd put it in its own entry.

*laffin* *HUGZ*iggy, ya silly silly man.Yes, preparing panties for flinging on Tuesday and adding the transparent bullseye to the tv would really distract me from everything.... even some things I need not be distracted from.

With that situation...hmm... regret, maybe for going through with something I somehow knew in my gut wasnt going to end well. Self-blame for the same as well as the "I wasn't good enough to make things work" really are the hardest to defeat. I ~really~ need to quit comparing my life to my mom's. *UGH* The unfortunate fact is that I've used my parents' marriage as a guide to measure up to. They made theirs work, even with as cranky as each can get...why couldn't I? I know, I know, different situations. I'd always hoped for a marriage like theirs, NOT my uncle's (he's been married 5 times!).

The "What if" doesnt factor in because what if I stayed, it woulda meant worse violence and possibly death. I suspect he woulda ended up in jail one way or another anyhow.

I'm not sure how much stronger it's made me to be honest. At least I havent seen anything that's changed much. Oh, I am more likely to state my opinions (and firmly)...yeah... but in group situations (at least at first) I still find myself reverting to old ways. The question I have for myself is, have I always been like this OR is it simply due to habits created over that decade? Until I can answer THAT, certain things simply wont be able to be fixed and some of those doubts and regrets will remain. Heh. Some would say that the simple fact I acknowledge that means Im on my way to recovery....

Aww thanks Jeannie!*HUGZ* *stifles a virtual sneeze*

I know, wifey, I know. Glad to know I aint the only one.*HUGZ*

*nods @ Yaya*. There's alotta good ones in there. It took a few minutes of hitting the re-create to get some of the words to line up just right. *HUGZ*

*HUGZ* thanks Deanna (ooh that STILL feels weird typing). I know I did. I just wish I knew something nicer was coming along back then.

*HUGZ* Karla. I know you will. Thank goodness some of us dont update more than once or twice a week, eh?

Thanks Melissa. I'd been seeing quite a few bloggers lately that have been doing fund raisers or asking for prayers for family. I wish I'd thought of this before. Often times all anyone can do to help is pray and leave some kind words. All I ask is that my readers go and visit these blogs. If you can help, fantastic! If not, a few kind words or suggestions to help alleviate the situation are always welcome. *HUGZ*

*HUGZ* Pam. There's alot to learn about me. It all started as a way for therapy and to keep people updated. When I left my first husband, I got alot of "I didnt realize that was happening" from my family and friends. I vowed to never have that happen again. So I started 2 blogs. One was to deal with the fractured mind and help me deal with the feelings and the memories of that hateful creature I'd been married to. I figured it would help to get it all written out. The other was to keep the family and friends updated with the NOW life. That way no one could never say "I didn't know".


Dorkys Ramos said...

You're such a strong one and I hope you know that if you haven't realized it already :)

I can't imagine how hard it was to go through what you did and then have the courage to make that decision. Instead of thinking of that day as a sad one, how about seeing it as the day your life started over, your moment of rebirth?

I understand the need to write it out as a form of therapy and as way of maybe helping someone else out there in the world. I do the same.

And I think it's wonderful that you're shining a light on others who could use some love and support.

LadyStyx said...

No. That's the day things went wrong (1992). April 14th was the Escape (I got on a Greyhound and left in 2003)... January 28th (2005) was my Independence Day (divorce THAT'S rebirth).

Thank you..I try my best.

Wendyburd1 said...

Hey Lady, I looked for your email, as there is something I am sending out to some of my blog friends that I can't post on my blog. If you are comfortable with it, could you email me your email, I want to include you.

Queenie Jeannie said...

I know from personal experience that abuse leaves scars, regardless of the kind of abuse. And it DOES make you stronger even if you feel weaker and beaten up (in mind, body and/or spirit). I believe that the darkest ring of hell is for those who are betrayers - and what really is worse than betraying those who love us??

I feel, and share, your pain. Chin up though Girl!!! You are reborn and have the opportunity and responsibility to live happy, safe and free!

Deanna said...

I almost always read back to see your comments of the comments, but I agree that a separate post was required for this one.

You are one of the strongest people I know.

Deanna said...

BTW it actually looks strange on this end when I see one of my old chat friends call me Deanna - I was Punkn for over 10 years! LOL

Toriz said...

I check for responses to comments... I just don't always respond to or acknowledge the responses.

ChicagoLady said...

*Slides open the door to see if anyone left food out for me, then closes the door quickly*

ChicagoLady said...

Seriously, though...

What you went through before, not sure if I have mentioned this or not, helped you to know what NOT to look for again, and helped you find your current hubby. The best man in the world for you. If you hadn't gone through all that before, you may have never found him. So that pain, that led to the glorious love you have now.


razorsandvines said...

It's really nice to see how compassionate you are.


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