A Road Not Taken


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost

Have you ever had one of those roads not taken in your life? Or maybe two or three? I know I have. As I was settling in for the night (or maybe I should say for the early morning), and while I was in that stage between falling asleep and being wide awake, I was flashbacked to one of my roads not taken. I began to wonder what would have happened if I had taken that road if the opportunity had presented itself. Dont get me wrong, Im very happy where I am, but I do have to wonder if things would have turned out differently or if I would have ended up in the same position just with a different person. You see, this road that wasnt travelled involved a young man that belonged to the same theatre group as my family. I met him when the group was doing Pippin. I was a sophomore in highschool but could pass as a tad older. He was very tall, very broad in the shoulders and the sweetest guy you could ever imagine. He was just the type of guy I was into at the time (see left, that's me at age 15 the year after I met him but I hadnt changed much, I was still pretty much dressing the same). Im guessing age may have been a factor as I get the impression I was too young for him when we first met and he was much too young for my mom (he liked flirting with the both of us). It didnt stop him from wanting to sit with me during the stage performances after we'd worked the ticket tables though. When I got into my junior and senior years, I was too busy for the theatre work I used to do so I pretty much faded from that scene and didnt see him again until I was in my very early 20's. I was working at KMart the next time I saw him and had *just* started seeing Jim. Things were already rocky between the two of us and I think if another option had presented itself, I would have at least explored it. I remember the day he showed up at my job vividly. It was another of those not so good days. I was on a diet and had lost a ton of weight. I was feeling ok about myself but of course working in receiving with a bunch of nice guys can give anyone an ego boost. Especially that day when I'd shown up in my new jeans and they were 4 sizes smaller than I had been wearing. I'd lost enough weight where I got so I could tuck my shirt in and boy didnt that accent my newly slimmed waist. I was really into the jeans with the spandex in them as well because they hugged the curves oh sooo wonderfully. Well, one of the gals came back and said some guy was here to see me and gave me a general description of him. I peeked out the window and sure enough it was that road not travelled. I popped out long enough to talk to him. When I stepped out the doors to the sales floor his jaw just dropped. Seems he was in the area and wanted to do lunch. Sadly I had to turn him down as I'd *just* gotten off my lunch break and wasnt due for even a 15 minute break for a good 3 hours. I was kinda hoping he'd ask for a later date....supper or maybe lunch the next day, but he didnt even pursue that option. I think the "I cant right now" took the wind from his sails and he just didnt think to fish for another date while standing there. It's sad because the nexttime I heard from him was maybe 2 months later. He called my apartment (I have no clue how he got the number to be honest as I thought it was unlisted....maybe he got it from my mom I dunno) while I was with Jim. I picked up the phone and talked with him briefly. He asked if he'd interrupted anything and I had to tell him yes, I was with someone at the moment. I never heard from him again. Now that I think back, I think he did have a thing for me but never acted on it. When he finally got the nerve to do so, it was just simply too late. On a personal note, if he'd decided to pursue a relationship (even as late as that phone call), I dont believe Jim would have had a chance as this guy was really much more compatible with me. The question now is, if he'd pursued and I'd taken him up on his date, where would it have gone? Would I have been happily married with 2.5 kids now or would I have been in the same situation as I was with Jim? Then of course there's the fact that if I took the smoother path with the nicer guy then my present hubby may or may not be in the picture at this point. For all I know this dude could have been worse than Jim and being built bigger would have posed a bigger problem. I just dont know and probably never will.


AliceKay said...

I think we've all had that "what if" question for ourselves at some point in our lives. Makes you wonder whether you made the right decision at that fork in the road.

LadyStyx said...

Exactly. Is that road that looks smoother ACTUALLY smoother? Or does it lead to the same place just faster? It's too bad we cant look back and see what would happen *IF* we'd made that other choice.

ChicagoLady said...

I think we all have those "what if" moments, and unfortunately you never will have the answer to the question "what if." You can't focus on the what if's, they won't get you anywhere. Better to focus on the positives of where you are now.

LadyStyx said...

And Im positively in the right spot :)

Toriz said...

Lemony Snicket makes a reference to that poem in one of the books in 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events.' I think it was near the end of book eight.

Anyway, everyone has times when they wonder what would have happened if they had taken a different path.


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