Sorry..

I havent been writing much lately because there really isnt much to tell. That and the fact I just dont *feel* like doing much of anything at all. Im not sure what it is to be honest.

It could be the fact that this last PT session really took alot out of me. Joey really worked over the muscles this time. Im so glad it wasnt a movie night as I wouldnt have been able to sit through it. Right now I cant tell if it's still my back or just my side hurting right now. It used to feel like it was all in my back which tells me it was possibly an injury to both. I also asked if it's possible that one injury so long ago could have irritated really bad and that's why it's acting up now. He said it was possible but he wont know for a couple sessions yet. I do know he had a problem working out this one section of my back...it just didnt want to relax any. Makes me wonder wth is going on back there. Today my side hurts worse than anything. I may have to curl up with some heat today and see if that helps. Not that I really want to add heat because it's plenty warm enough here without the extra.

It could also be the fact that this nights schedule for my hubby is just getting on my last damn nerve. It gets so incredibly lonely here without him. Oh granted I get the bed to myself and sleep really well just fine without him. It's the fact that I have a hard time getting there at a decent hour if I know he's not there. The padding around quietly while he's asleep doesnt bother me much as I do that nights when he crawls in before me. It's the getting myself going once he's up and getting things done that's a hassle. The mind is going but the body wants to shut down around 7 or 8pm. Why so early? Because the mind is still going around 4am when I force myself into bed and then it insists on getting going around noon....when my body is just craving sleep. Yeah I bitch about it but do you think I'll make it to bed early tonight? Nope, havent yet. Ive meant to for a week now... but my body will crash around 630pm or so and I'll end up snoring on the sofa...by 8 the mind will be racing again. I'd say maybe it's time to cut out the caffeine but since I dont drink anything but water, milk or decaf tea at home anymore....

It could be the fact I've been dredging up all that crap from my past in an effort to get it out and gone. I have to wonder if this is healthy after all. I'd started that blog as a form of therapy but it doesnt seem to be helping me much right now. Maybe I need to set it aside for the next few weeks because this really isnt the time of year to be messing with that crap but I know me, if I put it aside, I may never pick it back up again. This could be a good thing in the long run. On the otherhand, it could be a bad thing too, to let it just sit and fester in my memory. I dunno.

It also could be just the fact my birthday is coming up next week. Im going to be 38 and Im feeling like Im turning 102. Each birthday seems to make be feel a bit worse than the one before. Yeah I know, I aint all ~that~ old and I still have time to accomplish some things in my life. I just need to get the drive to do them. On days like this, I dont have drive to do much more than roll over in bed and give the world a 1 finger salute.

5 comments:

AliceKay said...

Keep your chin up...better days are coming. *hugs*

ChicagoLady said...

Just think, for your birthday you get to go see Squint!

I know how you feel, I've had days where I just don't feel like posting, or doing anything at all. Sometimes a break helps, but then I've found it kind of hard to get back into the routine.

Think about what it was about that time that you hoped might be therapeutic. Was it the day-to-day stuff you've been talking about, or were there other things that need to be dealt with? Maybe your focus needs to be more refined?

Just some random thoughts by me...

Tori_Z said...

Regardless of what the reason is, there's no need to say 'sorry'. I'm sure everyone has times when they just don't feel like doing much of anything.

Debby said...

Give yourself a break. Our body is the best indicator of what we can do. Do something nice for yourself while you are dealing with the past issues. Sometimes the littlest thing can help you get a changed attitude. It is very difficult to get ones mind off things in the past So, be good to yourself. Hugs

LadyStyx said...

Thank you Alice *hugs*.

YAY SQUINT! Ok that made me feel somewhat better.. ~grinz~. The rest of my response for this and the other questions I'll just do in a blog entry otherwise my response here will be a mile long.

Thank you Tori, you're right.I had just gotten in the habit of writing all the time as of late. I hadnt always written quite so much unless alot was going on (like when I was making my wedding dress or the trip to TN last August).

Debby...good words of advice hun, thanks *hugs*. The past issues really messed me up and did a good job of it. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and know it'll be a while because the one who caused all the pain is behind bars still. It's just a matter of time before he gets out though. Right now I have the protection of the prison system as the rules there say he cant write me and as such cant harrass me (Ive made sure of that...if you're following that story I'll get to that point eventually). Once he's out, however, Im afraid things will change. It's one reason why I wouldnt mind if hubby got a job elsewhere and we had to move. Not that it matters because if he remembers my SSN then he'll be able to find me anywhere with the help of a PI.

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