Last Thursday was a very rough day for me. We have 3 handsets for our phone, but they dont share info. You see...cell phones generally come up "cellphone" and ~sometimes~ have a state listing next to it. If I dont recognize the number, I wont pick up. Once I know who it is, I enter their info in the phone so it shows up as who it is on the next call. Generally, I pick up on the extension in the livingroom OR the one in the office. The one in the bedroom rarely gets used.... except during times when we're in bed and someone calls during sleep cycles. Normally, I crack an eye to see who's calling and then decide whether to take it or let the machine answer it. This said, my SCSis called during a sleep cycle early in the bloody morning (ok, it was 10:29am but considering bedtime is around 5am these days...)....and I had no clue as to who it was so I let the machine get it. She's like me, hates talking to a damn answering machine unless ya gotta....especially in the day and age of caller id. If it's really important I talk to you, I leave a message but usually I just hang up and try later. I listened and no message was left so I crawled outta bed and went to the office where I picked up that handset and realized it was her so I called back and got voicemail so I left a message (Lord knows what at this point as I was NOT awake enough to remember what I said...just a "if you still need to talk gimme a jingle"). I crawled into bed and had a hard time getting back to sleep. I must have been asleep only 30 minutes or so, just enough to get good and under....I know I was in REM as I was definitely dreaming at that point....when she called at 11:42am. I barely remember that conversation either. I do remember her asking if I was ok and I muttered something about us being on night shift here. She said something about it being a badtime, she didnt realize we were on the nightshift, and that she really hadnt been thinking straight, and when would be better to call...I told her 3-330pm and she hung up on me. Well of course when I finally woke up, I kicked my own arse for not spending time talking to her when she'd called earlier. Didnt matter that I wasnt entirely cognizant of things around me at that point. When the phone didnt ring at 3pm, I called her...and got the voicemail. I didnt bother leaving a message, just called her right back. I tried a good part of Thursday, ringing her number and got no answer. Of course considering Wednesday's mess, I was beyond worried. I didnt sleep well Friday morning because I was worried all day and I half expected a phone call saying I needed to write the eulogy. I worried all day on Friday (after the sleep cycle)....oh hell, I hadnt slept well either....so I called when we got home from our errands, around 930pm. Much to my relief she picked up...sounding better than she had in a long time. She hadnt picked up the day before because she was having some Mom and her time. Seems they get along just fine when all of them arent crammed into 1 efficiency apartment.

Since then we've talked one other time. Things seem to be going ok. She's got a job at a local diner and the boss is already talking about creating a new position for her. She's skeptical about it though as she doesnt really trust anyone at this point. Her lawyer got in touch with her and said his lawyer got in touch with arrangements to pick up her stuff and the 2 cats. This pretty much has her ticked off as there were 4 cats, not 2...meaning he sent 2 of them to the pound. She let her lawyer know the arrangements were inadequate as she was out of state and even if she did drive in, it's a 4 hour drive one way plus she doesnt have a vehicle large enough to get all her stuff (she drives a Miata). She also told her lawyer that he needs to put a hurry on things because she wants the divorce finalized "as of yesterday". Things are still kinda bad, but she's got a bit of hope there and is finally getting her legs under her a bit so that's good. I dont feel the need to be on suicide watch right now....which is good for me.

Im having trouble keeping up with the blogs lately. It seems like I just dont have enough hours in the day anymore (that and I just havent had the desire to be in them much lately...yeah, I know, it's a sign of depression...Im fighting it though). God help me if I read every entry (which I usually do, I just dont always comment). I still need to write in the Jukebox....once American Idol fires up (like, ummm, tonight), I doubt I'll have much time for keeping up. It'll all depend on how fast I get hooked into the show (ok, Im obsessed).

While I was reading the other night, however, I saw an entry that came along very timely. I'd like to thank Bookbitten for the reminder....I needed it.

From the entry at BookBitten: Eye of the Tiger

Rocky is surprisingly profound, in addition to being one of the most
inspirational film series I know of. After a rough night, hell, a rough year, I
went to sleep last night thinking about what he said to his yuppie punk son
(paraphrased): Life will try to keep you down. It is not about how hard you hit
back, rather it is about how hard you can get hit and keeping moving forward.

The next several entries might be nothing but games and such as I found a few while reading that looked like fun.....which means I gotta empty my email inbox out *again*. Until then, I'll be keeping on moving forward.


Queenie Jeannie said...

Hugs honey!! You have had a rough time of it worrying about your friend, and haven't been getting the sleep you NEED!!!!! Depression can easily sneak in when you're that tired and just plain worn out. Try to take it easy, ok?

If you email me your snail mail address, I'll make you a card! =)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the update and I didn't know you were on the night shift. Yikes!

That is a great quote from Rocky and oh, so true. I feel like I'm just coming out of a fog from the prior year's heartbreaks. Oddly enough, I think starting a blog has been really therapeutic and helpful in doing so.

I understand your depression. I really do. It's always a battle to not let it overtake us.

AliceKay said...

Keep on keeping on, Styxie. *hugs*

Carrie said...

I have realized over the last year how much sleep plays into my anxiety levels. When I don't get enough, I get irrational and edgy.

That being said, I still don't get enough sleep. Especially when hubby is out of town.

I hope you get some good sleep soon!


ChicagoLady said...

I'm glad things are looking up for your SCsis. She's had a rough time lately, and you being the good friend you are, it's taken it's toll on you too. Not just worrying about her, but bringing up your own bad memories.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help cheer you up. Heck, I'd send you some snow if that would work, lol.


Toriz said...

I'm glad things are looking up for her, and that - as a result - you have a little less to worry about. *Hugs*

Deanna said...

Thanks for the update on how things are going Styxie. Huggsssss

whimsical brainpan said...

Your friend is very lucky to have you.


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