I guess it's official now

So Friday was D day according to one "niece". That morning I got a message from the other saying that it was confirmed that he was getting out on Sunday and heading for his folks' house. I thought it was rather weird that they'd release on a weekend simply because I'd thought that administration dealt with releases and in most businesses (even if it's in a service industry, it's still a business) the admins don't work weekends. I as much told her this but got no answer. hm.

Anyhow, here it is... the Doomsday that I had originally in the timer and I look up on that trace site and see this:

Inmate Locator Results

No inmate found according to the requested search criteria. Please click here to search again.

If you have problems finding an inmate, please contact the Support Team.

Return to search page

No, I didn't mistype the id number as I've had it committed to memory for years now.....

Guess I'd better find something to keep me distracted today. All I really want to do is curl up on the sofa and bury my head in the blankets.

~~comments off~~

It's just one of those...

days, weeks, months....
Oh I could so go on.
and on
and on

but I won't

Why?

Because I'm depressed enough as it is, no sense making myself feel worse.

A couple of you know what's going on
and it's oh so more than I've let on
and it's definitely NOT just because tomorrow's Friday and that asshat is getting out from prison.

For when it rains
it pours
and these days we've had to refresh our memories on what a cubit is, it's that bad.

An asshat getting free
another asshat from the other side of our family slinging BS and causing a Civil War in the family (it's literally brother against brother)
neither of us knowing quite how to handle it
and seeing each other in pain
because of not only our own hurts, but because we hurt for each others problems too.

~sigh~

And suddenly I'm talking, not in my usual complete sentences
but in the little fragments that one of my other friends uses

Suddenly I understand
why her communications get like this when she's upset...

This is gonna be a long battle folks
and here I was doing so well

SO

Instead of closing out this on such a shadowy note
I'm going to share a song... something uplifting
She's not my absolute favorite artist
so few of her songs I like enough to drop the money for the cd
However, I found that I like more than half this newest album...
and this song
is my favorite.

Update

Checked my secondary FB account yesterday and found a note from one of the ex-nieces asking if I knew when the idjut was getting out. I told her that after speaking to my source and some math I'd figured July 19th. I also suggested that she and her older sister sit down and have a chat with their mom and start asking questions (something I had been encouraging all along, mind you) about the whens and where he was headed. Looks like the time crunch finally lit a fire under at least her butt because I checked to day to find another response from her. Looks like the math was off or that he's getting a few days off for good behavior or something... Anyhow, the timer now reflects the new release date. She also let me know that he'll be headed to his folk's house to live. Not sure if this is permanent (more than likely not). As much as I am slightly relieved (for now) that he's not headed in this direction, I am now worried for my NYBro, who will more than likely end up running into him (remember, NYBro started out as his best friend...) and for the family members who have extended their hand to me. I have a bad feeling that if he finds out that these two young ladies are in contact with me, he'll try and harass them to get to me. Unless he's as changed as he professes to my mom (yeah, I don't like it much but to be honest, it's a good way to keep tabs on him).

322

So.

I got a call today.

322 days and the letter was dated August 30th. This means there's only actually 318 days left.

Until when?

Until that fkn idiot who made my life a living HELL is maxed out in his sentence.

Maxed out meaning that he's spent the entire term of punishment incarcerated with no parole.

Maxed out meaning there more than likely will NOT be a half-way house because he got out early.

Maxed out meaning that no one else is going to be accountable for his whereabouts except him.

Maxed out being that I will have no damned clue where he will be and that I could turn any corner and end up face to face with his ugly, nasty self (especially considering that he LOVES the Civil War and I do live near a battlefield).

Worried?

Fk ya.

awards and a tour of bloggyville

Warning: extremely long entry.You'll be here and in other blogs for awhile so save me for the last read. I don't mind, honestly. Just make sure you go potty, wash hands, grab a meal or snack and drink...yadda yadda yadda...you know the drill...before sitting down. Oh and grab some kleenx just in case.


We all know what a poor bloggy buddy I've been. I didn't get my thank yous out timely and this one deals with the awards I didn't post when I should have. As much as I'd like to blame it all on the addiction to that site that I have, I suspect many of these simply got jambed up behind the Journey entry. Most of my usual readers can tell you, if I get something on my mind and I don't blog it right away, well everything else gets tossed to the back burner until it's dealt with. Usually, once I get the problem out of the way...the rest of the entries all insist on being told LIKE NOW!! However, I had a dr appointment on Thursday and it's taken til today to actually feel close to 95%. That's another whole entry though. If you have yet to have these awards given to you, please feel free to help yourself.

Anyhow, these are all the beautiful awards that were either specifically sent my way, OR the general reader was instructed to please take. Many of my friends are like that as we don't like thinking that anyone got left out. The only two that I'm sure of where I got them are the first two, because I made sure to change the name slightly while in the files so I knew who. Not sure why I didn't with the other two. Anyhoo...the first two were swiped off of Deanna's Blog. They were so beautiful that I couldn't resist.



I ~think~ this next one came from Wendy, I'm not entirely sure. I seem to remember making a comment on her blog saying I already had it....


*goes to double check*


Yeah, here we go the rules to this one are on this entry that she wrote on September 2nd.


Now, this one....I have no clue who I swiped it from. I suspect it may have been iggy's blog although I'm not really 100% certain on that. If someone could look into that for me? Thanks.

N/M I found it.

Anyhow, if I recall, this one was supposed to provoke some actual thought and as such became a bit of a speed bump because if you've learned anything about me , it's that anything that takes thought pretty much places my brain in traction for weeks. Well. In honor of this award I'm going to put in some links of my more popular entries as well as a few of those entries of others that really touched me in some way. Personally, I think collectively ALL of you deserve this award and should be proud to wear it on your blog somewhere (oh crap...this means I gotta get these uploaded into the Slideshow stream now...).


The most popular of my entries by far seem to be when I'm in a very dark spot or when I fail at something. Why is that? I thought for sure everyone wanted happy bloggers? *laffin* Anyway, I had two tie for the position of "Most Popular Blog Entry" at a whopping 21 comments a piece (ok, so it aint whopping, but dammit...I got a very small following comparatively speaking and not everyone leaves a bloody comment like some of y'all's entries get!). The first one was written on February 10th, dealing with my then SCSis (now GaSis) who'd called me up and left me feeling very disturbed. The entry was titled In A Dark Dark Spot Right Now . This story seemed to have reached a bit more even footing as of the end of July. However, I'm in the dark....again.... I am hoping it's just that she has no phone service and no friggin common sense to ask the boss if she could make one 5 minute phone call to assure her friend of 30 years that she's ok. I surely HOPE it's nothing more serious than that. Needless to say, it's weighing heavily on me right now. I do have an idea, but it needs to wait until tomorrow.


The next one was written on August 11th in 2008 and was entitled Itshouldabeenakodakmoment. A bitch of a title to write, but one that expressed the frustration of not being properly armed, OR while being properly armed just not having enough juice in the damned camera to get that perfect "Kodak moment". This, too, garnered 21 comments. I think this one may have actually gotten that number because I asked a question at the end of the entry (which is something I don't generally do). Maybe I need to write when I'm pissed off, sad or frustrated more often?

Some of the runners up are:

From the Home page (please remember this blog section plays music automatically BUT the player's at the top so you can turn it off):

The Committed TShirt creation that was made for iggy. This May 12, 2008 entry got 14 comments.

The Super Bowl Sunday post that debutted the new bumper sticker for the upcoming election season. This entry from Feb 2008 had 11 comments.

From the "Padded Room" entries (the Like a Phoenix blog):

The Nov 13,2008 entry entitled Tour of Duty-TRU intermission where I go into a small side track of some of the troubles occurred in the one apartment I was living in. Surprisingly, they WEREN'T caused by the jerk I was married to at the time. That one had 9 comments on it. It only got that many because I'd neglected the blog for so long though.

Then there was the 2 parter I wrote in June of 2008 called Great Escape. Both part 1 and part 2 got 2 comments a piece. Not bad considering that it's a much smaller circulation than the 2 Cents blog.

The last 3 entries come from the Journey blog. It's another that I don't exactly update frequently. Mostly right now, it's a place to whine and put things that I deem much too adult at times for my usual writings. All 3 are ones I wrote in 2007.

Interesting Read dealt with information as to why certain test were being performed and why certain medicines were being considered. We've sense discovered that the one medicine does NOT play nicely with my body. This was writen August 16th and got 8 comments.

Two days prior I posted one entitled Thursday August 2nd where I dealt with the indignity of being a woman, seeing a new doctor and having a very long overdue pap. What some of the issues were that the dr was considering placing me on. All the "Let's try and get this baby started" good stuff ya know. All that stuff that had to be placed on the back burner because hubby had to have certain surgeries to fix him up. At the time, I had to weigh things as to importance. His, which were MEDICALLY necessary.... or mine, which were just because I wanted a baby. Obviously, his were much more important.(7 comments)


The last worth mentioning in this section is I Hate This Feeling which dealt with the fact my dr stuck me on Prometrium and how the drug affected my body. This got 7 comments.

Now. Here are some of my favorites of the ones I read.

The entire Insight Series written by Dorkys Ramos, where I think I saw this reflection type post first. I like these posts because they really make me think (and then the brain goes into traction and I forget to comment most times....just know that they're some of my favs of yours).

There are a few over at Yaya's Place (whose Fragment Friday entries are the bomb all and on their own) that really get to me. Why? Because Yaya and I are sorta in the same boat right now... or at least in two like boats rowing side by side. Each wanting desperately what some women (Octomom, Kate, et al) seem to get so friggin easily. We just wanna be mommies. Her entry on Aug 10 2008 called Why I'm A B^tch goes into the side effects of the medicine she's taking to help her get pregnant and the frustration (and I suspect a bit of depression) she gets every month when the medicine hasn't worked it's magic.

Then there's her entry on March 22nd of this year that actually made me cry. I had to step away from the computer for a good long while after reading How Do You Be Happy For Others where she answers a reader's email in detail on her blog. All those same feelings that I have...right there...and someone else was feeling them too.

Next we're going to visit iggy's blog entry called Trees Are Like People (June 3rd) was stunning and thought provoking even in its simplicity. I haven't seen a tree the same since. A real shame that no one thought to include this gem in their choices. Oh look...it was HIS blog I first saw the award on...awesome.

Oh look...THIS is where I got the award (*whew* I really would hate to think I swiped yet ANOTHER award!) so I actually EARNED this one too!! I got the award from over at Deanna's Blog in August. I am going to agree with iggy on his selection of He Had Curly Hair and a Crooked Smile and I Loved Him Very Much as one of the best entries. I'd say that a close second would go to Change Your Thinking entry. That one got me to thinking of an idea for an entry which I have yet to post but I think I'll stick in the drafts for the next appropriate moment as they seem to hit every year at least twice...

.....7th inning stretch.....

Put down the food for this one. This one is from Marmy's blog and the entry is called Laff Me Red Stripey Sock Off. Actually, most times it's inadvisable to be drinking or eating while reading her posts. It's much too messy and I'm sure the monitor and keyboard don't appreciate getting splattered. This is one of her shorter entries but gives you a good idea what she's all about.

Then there's always a trip to Razors and Vines blog. I suggest reading the entry entitled Ever. I love the quirky writing style. I just may need to adopt that style considering both sides of my personality like to fight for control of the keyboard.

do not

Do so.

And the last stop on this entry is going to be in Shan's blog. Her entry, An Apple For the Teacher? Nope, School Supplies which went into how little teachers get for supplies for their classrooms. Every word of what she had to say was true. Actually, things are much much worse for the private schools... or at least it was at the private Christian school I worked at in Louisiana. I was there for about 3-4 years and I can tell you the average there wasn't even the national average for teacher pay. They were alotted ~maybe~ a grand total of $50 per semester for stuff for the classrooms (visual aids, decor, standard supplies like chalk and erasers were supplied by the school if extra was on hand) and dickyboy's salary never topped $24,000 for the year.

She also wrote one called We Are Women...We Must Backstab that I think should be required reading for everyone. Thankfully, I don't believe I've seen any of my bloggy readers saying stuff to purposefully hurt another around here. Now sometimes, there's the errant question that gets misread, misinterpreted, whatev... but that happens because of the medium. If we could only HEAR what the heart and mind of the writer is writing, then there wouldn't be nearly the hurt feelings.

Well, that completes our 3 hour tour...

Holy shit it took me that long to write???

Yep, it did (thanks to the contant stream of emails that came in while I was writing and we all know I just can't let 'em sit there when I'm at the computer....).

just mish mosh

The next grouping of entries is going to be alotta mish-mosh. There really isn't a great deal of anything going on here that's really worth talking about, well except the cops visiting 2 out of the last 3 days. So I've basically decided to dive into the photo files, grab out a few pix a day and just let my thoughts spill.


This first picture is one of those "Itshouldabeenakodakmoments". The little birdies were doing their typical little birdy thing in the parking lot... and then they started fighting. By the time I aimed, zoomed and pressed the shutter button, the argument was over and the one was on his (her?) way out of the scene. I'm going to have to see what I get when I crop the picture down farther. I don't think it's going to be good enough to post though.


Marmie, dear, this one's for you. This beautiful scar is the reason why I fussed you so much in an email recently. It started out really tiny; a little bitty scratch, no more than a nick really. I got it while walking down a metal, outdoor staircase when I was working at a school in New Orleans. I remember feeling it happen and reminding myself that I needed to have it looked at just as soon as I was done with the task I was working on. I should mention at this point that it was 99F outside with just a 99% humidity on top of it so even just standing in the shade you were dripping in sweat. Even if I had cared for it right then, I still might have had a bit of a problem... just not as much as I ended up having. Anyhow, all the moisture generated from moving couldn't have helped the nick out any.

Standard home care for a small abrasion is either hydrogen peroxide OR a benedyne solution to wash the germs and crapola out. Once it's dried, use an antibacterial cream or gel and bandage it up to protect it. Usually in a few days it gets better. This time it didn't. Every day I used the peroxide it just bubbled more and more, never really seeming to get things cleaned out at all. I even took to cleaning it twice a day because running up and down the stairs and having to fill in for the phys-ed teacher...well it makes you work up a sweat. Day by day that scratch got larger and larger and took to dribbling this clear ooze out of it. I had to redo my bandages 3-4 times a day because it was just soaking through the gauze. Worse yet, it was hot to the touch near the wound and my leg was hot pink in color all the way around from mid-calf to the ankle.

The more I fought it, the worse it got and it got to the point where it was quite painful to walk on that leg. It was about this point where my southern-mama stepped in. She is about 3 months younger than my mom and knowing that I was so far away from family, took me under her wing and tried to look out for me as best as she could. In this case, she said I was to call her dr and get an appointment to have the leg looked at...otherwise she was going to throw me down the stairs and send me to the hospital that way. Yes indeed. Considering that she stands a good 4-5 inches taller than me and at the time out weighed me 2 to 1 (and I wasn't a small gal either), I figured it was much safer to go to the dr.

Long story short (I know, too late), the dr said I had a case of cellulitis and put me on bedrest for 2 weeks. I was also assigned a home health nurse to check my vitals and make sure I was doing as I should daily (boy THAT pissed the first husband off when he was told he had to pick up the slack). The home health nurse took one look at it and said that if I had waited another day or two, I would have lost the leg entirely. Yeah. It was THAT bad. So after 2 weeks bedrest, what did I have to show for it all? That scar which is about 1" in diameter on the dark part and 1.5-2" in diameter in the lighter pink area. Yeah.... so please please please....if that knee acts up again? Don't make me toss ya ass down a flight of stairs.





I don't know what it is, call it the mid-life crisis hitting early, or a second (or is it a third) attempt at recapturing my youth, but I've been all about the nail polish lately. Not just any old cotton candy pink shade either. Oh no. Of the 4 shades I have, only one is what I'd deem a "normal" shade. No, Styxie has to go for the purples, browns and blues. Well, more the purple and brown... I'm not so certain I like that blue shade... it needs to be darker. I'm thinking Adam Lambert blue, if I can find it at a reasonable price.

Catchin up...part 1: Dealing with Blockage

So yeah, I've been having a bit of a blockage issue here. Oh no, not THAT kinda blockage. Ew. No, I mean the kinda blockage that comes from something in your life happening and bringing you to a low point which brings on a funk that is so damn hard to fight. It makes it difficult to do the most basic of things, even just jotting a few notes down in a blog entry. Those that have known me for a few years know that when I get this way, it takes a while for me to work out of the funk. They've also probably noticed that it takes longer each time to "get back to normal". These same friends could probably tell you what things are liable to trigger bouts of depression or make them worse if I'm already there.

Takin' it back a month:

Everyone who's been reading my blog know that I've been working at losing weight. I've done rather well. My last unofficial weigh-in was about 2 weeks ago and I'm down to 260, a good 38 pounds lighter than when I started. YAY! Every week up until March 20th, I'd take those smaller jeans that I'd saved from that box of clothes that had been given to me... hold them up and say "just 5 more pounds and I'm sure they'll fit!" On Friday, March 20th, I put on my knit pants and realized they were much too baggy to be wearing out in public without looking like a pathetic slob. I picked up a pair of the black jeans I'd been waiting to get small enough to wear and decided to see how close to fitting in them I was. Imagine my surprise when they pulled right over my butt comfortably AND buttoned easily! Not only was I in a pair of jeans 2 sizes smaller but I also had this going on. I had alot of hope and joy in my life.

Saturday the 21st, I took a test to see if I could confirm if that was really happening. I mean at this point it was 4 weeks late and all. Imagine the disappointment when I found out that it wasn't the answer I was hoping for. Although there's still hope the test was wrong, right? Oh no. Not for me. Sunday came along with its own confirmation that it wasn't to be. Top that, a story hit the news that night (or was it Monday) that brought me to tears. The friends I've known for several years can all pretty much tell you that a story of this type is a very big trigger for a case of depression. It's a trigger because I've tried so hard for so long and gotten nowhere. Yet some others who seemingly have no problem, throw their blessings away like so much garbage. It really hits me deep in the core and makes me cry every single time about the total unfairness of it all.

I can't tell you how timely one of my friend's entries was. She posted, right about the same time this all was happening, answering a question she'd received via an email about how she managed to stay so happy in her situation when realistically she shouldn't be. Her entry brought tears to my eyes as she expressed how she truly felt and how tiring it can be trying to be happy for people when you cannot seem to manage to have a child on her own. For me, being around pregnant people can be a real problem and even as late as afterwards and upwards into the child's toddler years. It just makes me very sad (imagine how hard to find out each time my brother and his wife find out they're pregnant, been through this twice already). Knowing that we don't have the means (unless the insurance covers it) to do everything that entails invitro or even the other option of adoption, this is pretty much it for us. If it's not natural, it simply will not be happening. So now we're into the testing phases. He'll need to go first because it's less invasive and I'm sure a whole lot less painful. Then will be me if his tests come back fine. If his come back wonky, I won't bother testing as it won't matter at that point. The hardest part is not knowing if we can or cannot. I'm hoping once the tests all come back, I might get better with this issue... even if the tests come back with answers we didn't want to hear. I may just see about a therapist at that point if the answers don't seem to quell my thoughts on it. I mean realistically, if the tests say we can't, then it's not my fault and I shouldn't be blaming myself. Then again, I know me too. In anycase, thanks for posting that sweetie. Sharing what you did really helped to know that I'm not alone with those feelings.

Well, anyhow, shortly after that entry hit... another one got posted that was really kind of cryptic. Since I was already feeling low, this one hit hard because I automatically assumed it was done because of the comment I'd left on the first one's blog. I know now that it was simply just bad timing and that it had nothing to do about my comment. However, when it happened I felt kicked in the gut. I got the same feelings that I'd get with my now ex as he had a way of making me feel so very small. I'm so glad I held off and didn't post what I was going to around then. The damage would have been excessive, I'm sure. In the end, I was mad at myself for allowing those thoughts to come to my mind and happier for the person in question. I hope you got everything sorted, dear. And remember what I told you, don't ever let anyone make you feel that small.

Once I get into a funk with a blockage like this, it becomes increasingly more difficult to write the longer I let it fester. I don't write not because I have nothing to say, but more along the lines of I don't know how to word it so I'm fully expressing myself without being offensive to anyone else (been there before, didnt like it one bit). Plus, when I look at my situation from an outsider's viewpoint...my problems are so damn small compared to what others are going through, which keeps me from dealing with my feelings and just allows them to bottleneck up. Once I get myself over it, the flood-gates open and I'm able to write again which is good because all the other entries that need writing are just piling up behind it. I think I'm close enough to being over it now so you know what that means...several entries are on the way. I've got a couple of awards that need posting and a third one I've created to give out. I've got pictures over the last few weeks to share, new items that I've bought and a couple of gifts that showed up in my mailbox in time to start putting a smile back on my face.

Gosh, I hope this all makes sense.....

mental blow up

Ok. So first and foremost, Im going to apologize to all of you as I havent exactly been the best bloggy buddy lately. The green-eyed monster likes to pay me a visit around the end of December when people start talking about going to visit (or having over) family for the holidays . Why? Well because my family happens to have gypsy tendencies and is scattered to the 4 corners of America so the ONLY family I manage to get to see during the holidays is my hubby's family (who all conveniently live in one place). God forbid if we were to plan a trip to see my family or my friends because somehow we'd just have to visit his family anyhow (cutting the trip to see mine in at least half). Ok, his gramma's in her 90's and frail...I'll give them that... but still. We wont even go into the fact that they ask every other phone call (and both sis AND mom call once a week each) when we're coming back in.


If the family issue wasnt bad enough, Christmastime is usually when some blogs go into high gear posting about the kids in their lives....sharing videos and pictures of little ones having a great time opening presents and joining in on the festivities. I CANT be telling others that they can't discuss these things as they're THEIR blogs and I have absolutely no right to tell others what they can and cant discuss such matters. All I ask is that you understand why, at times, I seemingly just fall off the planet. Thing is, I was married before for more than 10 years.....and there are no little ones (other than the furbabies) gracing my home. Although some days Im grateful that one didnt come along at that point of my life because the divorce would have been worse than it was, the fact still stands that Im going to be 40 this year and the clock's ticking away. I know there are a few of you out there that know exactly what Im going through.

The end of January was a little rough too. I was running on a high from my appointment and a low from the bug (discussed below) that I almost forgot a couple of very important dates. The 28th is an important date for me.....this year is Independence Day 4. On the 31st, was my daddy's 63rd birthday and my gramma's 2nd year Heavenly Birthday....man I miss her.

The last month or more hubby and I have had a cold going back and forth between the two of us. For the most part it's been lasting a day or so with me and then pops back over to spend time with him. The same bug's been going around his work as well. This past Thursday, after that wonderful appointment, I came home and wasnt feeling so well. My cheekbones were hurting and my face felt warm. I felt so unwell that I took the first dose of that antibiotic that's been sitting on my counter (it was issued to me over a month ago "just in case")...I even skipped my bike ride. Yeah, I felt ~THAT~ sick. I crawled upstairs to watch my usual Thursday night line up and ended up putting on my long sleeve night gown AND the plush robe.....and I was still cold. I ended up cancelling my shot for Friday because I cant have it if I've been on antibiotics. Friday I was still ill enough to keep me off the bike. Saturday I felt a bit better so I did a gentle ride that day as well as Sunday and Monday. I was schedulled to go to level 8 on Monday *IF* I felt well enough but when I went for my ride, I felt I better not push things. Im going to give it another week or two and see about increasing at that time. It'll all depend on the dr's appointment on Friday. The ZPak didnt seem to do too much good this time around and I suspect by Friday I'll be miserable again. I've been so out of it that I not only failed to keep up in the blogs in a timely manner (there are more than 50 I follow and some of ya'll write many times a day!!), but it was also Monday evening before I switched my tunes out in my MySpace..... Oh man...and I still have a few awards I'm meant to be posting (and then update in the Awards entry) but for the life of me I cant remember who all awarded me ones lately. If you'd be so kind and check...if you have one you awarded me and I havent posted it yet.....leave the link to the entry in my comments and I'll get to them............................I promise.

I havent written my review for Idol yet. There werent too many I was really thrilled with. Alot of "I likes" and not enough "Hell yeahs" to fill an entry...even with 3 night's worth of notes. Im wondering if this will be my last year watching ...or if I'll even make it through the whole year. So damn many plants this year. We'll see once we get through Hollywood week. The big question is, do I really want to put myself through that work again this year?

My SCSis is presently staying with her sister and mom in Ga. The last call I got was loaded with boo-hoos because she'd had a ~really~ horrid day. I wont go into details here. I will say that I finally had enough for the most part and as she was raging at all the things she wanted to do to the man (and I can understand those feelings...I had them at one point or another myself)...I told her to "shut up". Yeah...I used that term with my bestie of nearly 30 years. I told her that yeah I know she wanted to do all this mean, hurtful stuff and it's ok to feel that way BUT she shouldnt ACT on it and proceeded to tell her why she shouldnt (can anyone say stalking and harrassment with the intent to do harm?). I then gave her a suggestion to check out a certain not for profit organization that might be able to help her out, if not directly...then certainly they may have certain resources that will get her steered on the right path. I told her she needed to go sooner rather than later. She did do one thing right though....she called ME at 1230am...and NOT her x2b. Im so proud of her for that. She's also started taking steps for life after divorce.....address change and bank account changed so he has no access to her funds (not that she has any to work with anyhow). I wish she would have done all this sooner to be honest. She IS facing the fact that she's "screwed" and has actually used that term. The one mistake she made during this call was when she asked me how I'd feel in her shoes. It's a mistake because Im likely to be alot more blunt with what I say when Im feeling poorly. I was extremely blunt with her. I told her from day one I would have been packing, getting my ducks in order, changing accounts and would have been talking to a lawyer already. It would have all been done BEFORE I lost my job (not that that was expected but you have to figure if the jerk you're living with gets you thrown in jail, it's highly possible they're going to find a way to leak info to someone in Human Resources or a Co-Owner and manage to get you fired from your job )...at least I would have gotten the first meeting out of the way so I had an idea which steps I needed to take. I qualified it with a "but then again, Im much more pessimistic than you". Boiled down, I told her "I told you so" without being overly cruel about it. Yeah, I know it wasnt really nice, but it was stuff she needed to hear.

We started getting some mixed precip last night (Monday). When I peeked outside, it looked like we were getting some white stuff on the ground again. YAY. The weather's calling for a couple days worth of snow. It'll be nice if the ground gets fully covered over again.

We're on the night shift here. I havent decided if I'm going to stay up real late as per my usual or if Im going to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Im leaning towards the latter to be honest. Not today, obviously....maybe the next sleep cycle. I could use the extra sleep....

I have scads of stuff I emailled myself that I've meant to blog. With any luck, I'll be getting the email cleaned out in the next few days and get some of it put up. I think there's a game or three in there that I saw in other blogs that I wanted to do in mine....I know there were a few jokes that will be going up in the appropriate blog area.

I think that's it....if you can think of something that I didnt cover that you're wanting to know about....put it below in the comments.

Oh...and if someone could kindly talk me through those nifty little messages that some people have up near their comment boxes (Jeannie....Dorky.....someone.....anyone....)...Im thinking I'd like to add something like that to my blog as well.

packages, plates and preparing for a trip

A package showed up today from my folks in California. YAY!! In it were 2 packages for each of us, one for BOTH of us and a big gold pressy with a strip of "Happy Birthday" paper across the front of it. In the emailled instructions I received a few days ago I was told that "there is one package among the shipment that you'll KNOW that you can open right away". I would gather that since all the other boxes were labelled "no peeking" and "dont open until Christmas" that the one gold box was the one I was to open right away. So, like a child, I ripped right into that package and what to my eyes should appear but a beautiful porcelain dolly dressed in blue and white. According to her tag, her name's Melissa.

I called mom and let her know the pressies arrived and we talked for a bit. We decided that since
we'll be busy tomorrow with the dr appt and travelling AND because we wont be home for Christmas Day (and we didnt want to haul all the gifts to TN and back NOR wanted to wait til we got home), that hubby and I could open the gifts tonight. He got a couple pairs of really warm lounger pants for when he steps outside to pollute his lungs and a new watch. I guess the latter will be set aside for when the one he has now (one that my mom bought him last year...) finally kills. I got a nice fleece button up jacket and a Donna Karan Cashmere Mist perfume and body lotion gift set (hmm...ummm....same exact set I got from her last year...). Also in the box was cosmetic bag (I dont wear makeup *usually*) filled with perfume samples (I dont normally wear alot of perfume and am still working on the samples from 2 years ago....), and a caddy for all our small electronics stuff (like the cell phones). The caddy is going to go upstairs on the dresser. Im sure it'll come in handy. I think next year Im gonna steer her to my Amazon wishlist. I know how some people feel about those things but it's the one way to make sure I dont end up with yet another DK Cashmere perfume set ...again. Better yet, I'll hint that I need some painting supplies....or a nice piece of jewelry...I dont have much of that. Oh wait...no not that, I'll end up with another watch...

While I was at it, I opened the package that had arrived from a dear friend in Pennsylvania. It's been sitting on my computer cart downstairs for a few days now, just waiting on an approved Christmas wrap unwrapping day. Normally, it would have waited for Christmas morning as per my usual behavior. Why? Because when I was married to The Jerkus, we never had any money to do for each other and the only presents under the Christmas tree were ones we'd gotten from family, friends and the students at the school we'd been working for. There were some really nice things in those presents. Many times, that's where our Christmas meal would end up coming from. Sad really. Anyhow, I opened the pressie from our OCHA Santa himself, iggy, and there was a small calendar (and the autographs of the people from the company he works for) and a decorative box with 2 cds of Christmas music and a dvd with a cozy fireplace! Oh lookit this! One of the songs is one I sang in choir....I dont think I've ever found that song anywhere else!!

Well I guess I better go. I have to get a shower and get packed and clean up the kitchen and and and...well you get the idea. Oh! Before I forget, I got another one of my license plates posted over at http://horriblelicenseplates.blogspot.com/2008/12/sorry-about-your-inferiority-complex.html . Thank you for the honor Mr & Ms HLP!

Oh and today's ride is the last for about a week as we'll be headed outta town tomorrow, unless the obgyn decides I MUST be sent somewhere the day after Christmas, then I wont be going anywhere. We should be back by the 28th or 29th.

Today's ride was a nice comfortable ride, not overly working it (like yesterday) but not exactly lazing off either.
Calories burned: 373.8
trip miles: 10.68
ave mph: 21.36

Everyone have a Merry Christmas, Happy Yule or whatever you're celebrating this time of year and I'll see you next week. Oh and steer clear of the inflatocrap whenever possible.

Feel the burn!

Calories burned: 383.9
trip miles: 10.96
ave mph: 21.92

Feel the burn!!! Best ride of this level and third best for the month. Can you imagine the speed I woulda had if the R&B station was playing all fast music tonite?

Here are the pictures I promised in my last entry. The picture to the left is my school picture from my senior year of high school (1986-1987). I remember the day that was taken. It was in the middle of August 1986 and in the high 90's with the worst humidity we'd seen all summer. I was pretty much melting by the time I got there. This is not the picture that was in the yearbook though. They made me use one of those standard shots for that. A shame as this was the best shot of the bunch.

The picture to the right was taken on graduation day...mid June 1987. As was custom for non-rainy commencement ceremonies, our graduation was held out on the football field. Thank goodness us gals were in the white robes as if I had to wear the blue the guys were in or the black ones the teachers were in....I would have passed out. It was so warm that day we actually had ambulances parked in the parkinglot just in case and volunteers from the honor society and some of the staff passing water out in the stands.

In the above to pix I'm roughly 100 pounds lighter than I am now. I'll be happy to get even *just* that small....at this rate, it's entirely possible.

And here I am now...22 years later with my handsome hubby. This is a special collage we had done with the shots we picked out from our photo shoot. The middle pic is being made into a

10 x 13 for the wall in our dining room...this collage will go in the hallway or up in the office. It's 22 years later and with the exception of my weight, I dont think I've changed too much. I certainly dont look like Im pushing 40...nope, not at all!

oh to be 15

Calories burned: 379.6
trip miles: 10.84
ave mph: 21.68

While I was going through my files here on the computer looking to weed things out and generally organize a bit, I came across this old picture of myself that I had scanned in a few months back. The picture was taken with one of those Polaroid Instamatics that were so popular at the time. I've cropped off the bottom white part but the original has "15yrs" written on it which puts this at being taken late 1984 or early 1985 and I was a sophomore in high school. The yellowish cast is thanks to the chandelier that was hanging in that room. Just past the arch is the livingroom...the door to the right led to my bedroom. I was at the age and right size to share clothes with my mom at the time so I raided her closet pretty regularly. This was one of my favorites of her dresses. Considering how Im dressed, I suspect it was one of the weekends where I was working the ticket tables for my mom in the community theatre we belonged to. I'm kinda hoping to get back down to that size again someday.....

ride and a memory

Calories burned: 373.7

trip miles: 10.67

ave mph: 21.34

Another record breaker today.

I saw this comic back in October and boy did it bring back a memory. In January 1988, I started the second job on my resume. I was hired on by the local KMart. It was my first full-time job and I was excited to be there. Just about everyone in my section of the store was really nice and most of us got along well. Of course, quite a few of us had our individual ummm quirks. At the time, the fitting rooms were separated, mens in the boys department and the womens in the lingerie department. Also at that time, the work tables wasnt an island out in the open with the customers but enclosed with the fittingrooms. Needless to say, it was rather tight quarters and could get quite warm back there at times. When it's overly warm, one tends to perspire somewhat. It's one of the reasons I dont ever wear perfume of any kind at a job. The most you'll find me using is a baby powder scented deodorant if I have to work. I really wish everyone would do the same to be honest. There was this one slightly older lady (mind you I was 18 at the time and the woman in question was roughly in her 50's at least) that I swear lost her sense of smell. This woman insisting on marinating in whatever it was that she'd spritz on daily. Worse yet, she'd marinate again at lunch so there must have been a gallon of the stuff on her....and she wondered why I never wanted to work in the stockroom with her. Everytime we had to work together, I'd ask her if she'd rather do the "run-backs" (putting the discarded try-ons and the returns back to the floor) OR if she'd like to stay with the fittingroom and make new tickets for the items that needed them. On nights that her feet hurt, I did run-back and nights that she was full of energy she did them. Personally, I preferred being in the fitting room reticketing and hanging stuff. Either way, working near her could be impossible because the scent alone was enough to give me a headache. Maybe I should have filed a workplace violence report?

A little of this, a little of that

After an emotional Sunday (and a fairly equally charged up Monday with the letters back and forth), things have "slowed down" some. I think between the blast from the past (ok...so what DO I call her?) and myself , we've figured out how she managed to find me. Let's just say with what she described that a certain Someone above had to had His Hands in it because I certainly do NOT have an explanation for it. As I was told... she'd checked out the prison website to make sure her, in her own words, "wonderful uncle" still had his butt behind bars. When she was done, she hit the back button in the upper left there. In her letter I think she may have had a typo so I can only guess where she was headed back to. I suspect it was Google, and sweetie if that is the case let me know. Well something happened and some, as she put it, weird websites came up. Something made her click the first link and damned if it wasn't my page that came up. The only way I can see this happening is if it brought her to one of my first entries here. Well first entry with the second go around through here....does that make sense? Anyhow, the only way it would have shown up is if it brought her to that first entry because I had put the web link to the prison in the entry. If that's the case...she must have done a LOAD of reading to get to the entry where she left her comment. Anyhow, I've been in contact with the older sister for a few days and she's been added as a friend to my LadyStyx MySpace page. I've yet to get an invite from the second sister (the one that commented on the blog). Maybe she's busy, maybe she changed her mind...who knows. I figure if she wants to stay in touch she'll send one through. I'm not going to send one though...just in case it'll cause problems with the family. Oh I know I was assured by the one that her branch of the family isn't mad, but still....just on the off chance.

Tuesday afternoon was my third shot. *UGH* This one burned to high heaven going in. The nurse suspects that it's because she didn't let the alcohol dry long enough before giving me the injection. GEE ya THINK!!? Yes, I'm very very sensitive in matters like this. Sheesh. This shot tired my arm out big time. I don't mean the "I'm tired, I think I'll nap off cuz I didnt sleep well last night" kinda tired. I mean the kinda tired you get where you've been lifting boxes all day or scrubbing the house down for hours...that kinda tired. It was the weirdest feeling. My body must be getting used to it though because it didn't lump up as bad as last week (this week it was only the size of a skeeter bite) and didn't itch as much either...even though there was more serum that was injected. When we were done, we went to Dairy Queen for a treat (because I was "so good and didn't cry during my shots"...yeah right...hubby just wanted a custard/soft serve ice cream cone) and then over to Dress Barn to find a shirt I could live with for the wedding. Most of their stuff doesn't fit as I'm just a tad too large but I did find a nice sweater-look sleeveless blouse to go with my skirt. It's a lovely shade of pink and doesn't have wide armholes like many sleeveless blouses for my size do (no one wants to see my bra when I raise my arms thankyouverymuch!!).

Yesterday, I made another unsupervised excursion. Granted, I don't go far but I actually did more than the usual trip. I went to go get my hair freshened for the wedding...4 weeks and the roots were already becoming slightly obvious. When I got there, the poor guy that did my hair the last couple times already had his hands full and told me it was going to be a bit of a wait. That's the problem with liking the most popular stylist in the salon! I asked him how long because I planned on making a couple other stops before going home. When he said that I'd have time for to go do them I asked if we were talking an hour or so. He said to call in an hour and he'd have a better idea. LOL. Shows me to just pop on in eh? So while I was waiting I decided I'd do some shopping. There wasn't much sense going home because if I did that I'd probably want to just stay home and I did need a few of the items I ultimately purchased.

My first stop was to Catherine's. My main purpose was to find a pair of biker shorts to wear under the skirt I'll be wearing to the wedding. I wanted biker shorts because they're longer and do a fairly decent job of keepin the ol "thunder thighs" from causing total discomfort while I'm dressed up. It's a trick I'd picked up in Louisiana in the hot summer months. It would get hot and sticky due to the heat and humidity and of course at the time all the female staff members at the school I worked for HAD to wear skirts. Well fat thighs pretty much cannot take that type of weather and anyone in their right mind wore knit shorts underneath....well unless they didn't mind the Cub scouts chasing after them with marshmallows on sticks hoping the friction would start a campfire. Oh...and you needed them for modesty sakes because we had a few perverted students that liked to hide under the metal staircase around back and look UP as the girls came down the stairs. Mostly it was a comfort issue though. Of course they didn't have any so I'll have to see if I find something that'll work when we go out later tonight. It's either that or I'll have to find another way of dealing with it.

While at Catherine's I picked up the knee highs I was going to need (thank GOD for long skirts!!). I also found a couple shirts on the clearance racks that I liked. I have this pair of jean shorts that fit but don't fit and I really needed something better in the top department to wear with them. Ya see, I'm built strangely. I'm short in the inseam but the trunk is long and of course the manufacturers of the clothing nowadays make their clothes to fit the trends. If I buy shorts (or even pants) that fit around my natural waistline, then many times they don't fit nice in the seat or the thighs. If I buy a pair that look nice while I stand, then usually I cant sit in them and if I buy so I can sit then they slop all over. I rarely find pairs of pants that fit off the rack as at 5'4.5" I'm too short for the averages and too tall for the petites. Shorts are another trial because I like mine longer...so they hit the knee. Why? Because of the thunder thigh issue. I walk and normal shorts start to ride up and then I have those cub scouts chasing me again. Top things all off manufacturers are still on the waistbandonthehips kick. Man do I ever hate that. I managed to find some shorts several weeks back at a decent length...however I have to keep pulling them up some. Why? Because I want them at my NATURAL waist and not down around my hips. Unfortunately, when I get them where I want them (so my butt and my hips are covered) the front part dips to below the belly button. Top things all off the pocket liners keep creeping up and poking out of the pockets and I think it looks tacky. So here I am constantly adjusting the shorts because they wiggle down to where they're made to be and at the same time have to pull the shirt down a bit because tends to move up a bit as I'm moving. Perfectly normal for a shirt and since it's cut at the appropriate hip length...well the belly has been getting a little flashnpeek action. If this isn't bad enough...hubby's discovered the back pockets... Anyhow (where was I..oh yeah the shirts), I was wearing said shorts yesterday so I figured to try a few shirts out and see if there was anything I liked. I found a couple that were long enough to cover everything that they should and allow me to move comfortably without worrying about looking overly tacky. The good news on those shirts (other than they fit well and hide what should be hidden) is that they were on the 50% off rack. WHOOT! Both shirts cost less than the piece of costume jewelry I bought to dress up the outfit I'm wearing to the wedding. YAY ME!

After Catherine's I went to Payless. If there is one thing I hate with a passion more than attempting to find pants or shorts to fit me is shoe shopping. I was reading in someone's blog today (in one of their earlier entries...not sure whose blog...was someone who's a blogger friend of a blogger friend I'm sure) that they were sure they missed the girly/shoe lover gene. Well I'd like to let them know, they ain't alone. I hate looking for shoes. Again...I'm hard to fit. Across my foot (especially my left one because I jacked it up badly a few years back), I'm a 9 wide. From toe to heel, however, I'm only an 8. Mom always called them Fred Flintstone feet....short n wide but got me where I was going. If the sizing wasn't already difficult, I also have narrow heels. In sneakers, this isn't a big issue as they are tied to your feet and for all people know, your feet really are that big. Dress shoes, are another matter. I can't wear heels anymore as they hurt my feet and ankles (so they MUST be flats), pointy toes pinch, round and square toes are ugly and most times I end up in these plumfk ugly-assed shoes that look like a guy's dress shoes that tend to slip off my heels (and yeah, I've tried "heel grabbers"...they dont work for me). Shoes that would look on a guy or with a pantsuit....which I'm not wearing. I am wearing a beautiful, flowy, chiffon(?) skirt with that pink shirt I mentioned above. So I opted for comfort over looks and will more than likely kick the damn things off as soon as the ceremony's over with. I'm tempted to find some black ballerina type slippers and wear those buggers instead. She did tell me to wear what I "feel comfortable and pretty in".

By the time I found a pair of shoes I could somewhat live with and the trip to Catherine's, I went back to the salon. I get in and the poor dude was up to his elbows with another client. Considering how warm and sticky it was I pretty much decided to sit and wait this time. I knew he wasn't too much farther until he could stop with that one client anyhow. She was having her hair colored (highlights and lowlights) and if memory served me right from the last trip in (I sat and watched another stylist working with the foils while my stylist worked on my hair), it looked like he was pretty close to being at a stop point anyhow. He got her moved over and told me to take a seat while he got my coloring. When he got back, I thought to myself...."does he have enough colorant in that bottle? I think not". Wouldn't you know, I was right. Guy forgot it takes 2 bottles even though my hair is short because I have so much up there. For the next hour or so he was running between the two of us getting things done. When one was at a point where the solution had to set, he worked on the other. Hers took a while though and I ended up spending a great deal of time at the sink waiting. He made sure it was worth my while though as he added some services that I do not see listed on my receipt. After he'd rinsed the color out, he put in a shine treatment (cold!) and let it set while he worked on her hair a bit...then he ran back after a while and rinsed it out, then placed in another treatment of some kind (VERY COLD!!!). Whatever he added, all I know is that the tight itchy scalp (thanks to the fact I don't drink enough water I'm sure) I normally have hasn't bothered me at all yet today. He must have been close to being done because he came back one more time to rinse and added a deep conditioning treatment to my hair and set me under the drier for a bit while he finished and caught a quick break. Yet another rinse and then my hair was blown dry and trimmed. This stylist seems to have an aversion to cutting hair at times. He has, however, managed to find a style I can live with. It's short enough to keep down year round and has enough volume to it so I don't look like I've had my head shrunk. Once my hair was dry he trimmed sections of it so the volume stayed and didn't weigh the rest of the style down.

When I got home, I started the laundry and checked my emails. Hubby wanted to know what was for supper. The last day or so, I haven't done much cooking because I don't want anything left in the 'fridge just incase something happens when we're gone. *knocks on wood* He's supposed to only be working a half day today but I haven't heard much from him since this morning. I suspect things have gotten busy and he'll be later than he planned getting home tonight....*ears perk up* oh wait...I hear him now. I'd better scoot as I have a few things to do before bed tonight.

EDIT: 1018pm: Got that friend request today from the next sister. After I accepted, she left a comment and wouldnt ya know...she called me aunt. ~smilez~

Are you sure it's only Monday????

Holy shit whatta week! It seems impossible that it's only Monday. No, I havent really been busy and no I havent left the house ramming around yet this week. Yet, I feel like a whole week's passed already. Why? Well let's just say a couple blasts from my other life managed to look me up yesterday. I dont know how they managed it to be honest because I dont believe that I was using this nick when I knew them best. I could be mistaken.

Late last night, I checked my email in preparation for getting ready for bed. Like many here know, I have a pretty much set pattern for my day to day workings...especially on days hubby works. Last thing I do is check the email. In my email was a memo from this site here saying I had a comment on one of my older posts from a name I didn't recognize right off. Something about the last part of the nick was really familiar. So I read the comment and this person introduced herself and seemed to be very happy to find me. I sat there and mulled it over. I walked away from the computer for a few minutes and when I got back to it, I Googled the name to see if I could figure out who it was. I found that the name in question had a Facebook account. Ok...pull it up and there's a smiling face looking back at me that is so familiar but I couldnt understand why. I looked farther and there was a MySpace account...*click* and that same smiling face is looking back at me. Then...omg ...then I knew who it was and had to walk away from my computer. Hubby asked what was wrong because I had tears in my eyes and all I could say was "omg...I know who it is". After a few minutes to compose myself I told him who this person was. Im not certain if he's happy with this development to be honest because he got real quiet. All I can hope for is understanding because this young lady that contacted me, well her family was a big part of my life for about a decade. Who was it you ask? Well it was one of my nieces from that last marriage. My comment back to her is in my Strange Phone Call post. I told her, basically, that I was fine with communication so long as she wasnt going to get in trouble with the family over it. Last thing I needed was to have this lovely young lady getting grief at home over this issue. So after leaving my comment I popped into my Myspace account. Do you see it coming? You should. No, there wasnt a message from her there, but there was a sweet letter from her older sister waiting on me in there with a friend request. Yet again...tears in my eyes while reading the kind words they had to say to me and the realization that at least part of the family really didnt hate me in the slightest. In fact, the way it read, I was missed...ALOT. So I wrote back to the older sister (again reservations on how the family will react to this communication) and accepted the friend request. I signed my message "just plain ol" because technically Im no longer their aunt and I really wasnt sure how to sign a letter to them anymore.

I didnt sleep too well last night. I didnt get to bed until 3am because I was so excited and scared at the same time. The clock read 3:22am the last time I looked at it. When I got up at 10:30am, I fired up the computer and eschewing my normal pattern.....well I fired up myMySpace account before anything else. There's a very nice, very long note from the first sister sitting in there. I've scanned it over and will be going to answer it in a few. I just gotta find the right words. Seems like I wasnt the only one taking all the blame for that jerk's actions. Baby girl, if you read this before I get to answer the other note....you are NOT to blame for his actions. Never ever let him let you think that way because the minute you do...he's won. Now if I can only learn to take my own advice eh?

I got note via email from a friend today asking for a prayer request. It seems we've had some sad news. The gal whose wedding Im going to this weekend? Well her gramma died last night around 9:30pm. Needless to say, the bride and her mom are extremely devastated over this. No, the wedding hasnt been cancelled...my friend is stronger than that. Much stronger than me because I would have cancelled for sure. She's going on with the wedding because that's what her gramma would have wanted. My friend's driving to Syracuse (NY) today to help with the arrangements and I think they're going to try and get gramma buried quickly so there's still a day or two before the wedding to grieve. Anyhow, the family could use some prayers, good thoughts, candles lit...whatever it is ya'll do. Thanks bunches.

Are you sure it's only Monday? *checks again* Feels like it should be at least Wednesday already....

Strange phone call

I had a bit of a fright yesterday when a freaky call showed up. This afternoon I got a call and so I checked the caller id as per usual. There was a name there that I didnt recognize hooked to a number that I was pretty sure not in our local calling area. I kind of ignored it until later. When I was starting the prior entry, I needed a picture of that one ring and thought I still had it handy in my doc file. While I was looking for it (and no I didnt have it anymore I had to find out what site was selling it and then grab it from there), I came across a couple letters I had written. One was in late 2004 (November) and the other was in early 2005 (January)........


Let me take a brief moment now to catch those not familiar with the Padded Room ramblings up at this point. It's common knowledge among my friends that this is my second marriage. What some may not know is the background on the first. The first time around I was married to the most obnoxious, verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive, manipulative sorry ass excuse of a piece of kahuna sized turd that one could ever imagine. Well...maybe some of you can imagine because you've seen someone as bad or worse. Anyhow, in 2003 I ran. I couldnt handle it one more minute and so I ran. I ran for my sanity and I ran for self-preservation. Up til that point, the only thing good about him was that he'd never raised a hand in anger but once to me. Like I said, up until then. Once I got away and settled, I had to wait 6 months before I could file for divorce. During that time I was convinced by one of my family members to open an email addy for communication with the kahuna turd, so that the divorce could be done amicably. Ok fine. For the first little bit, things were amicable. He told me that he'd moved in with his sister and their family which was a really good step for him. He needed the structure of a family. Later he told me he'd moved out on his own and gotten a new job at a school. This all I confirmed with a few keystrokes on my computer. I saw his bio on the school's website and found his addy in 411.com. Then things got wonky. He told me that he'd "moved on and found a new love in his life" and to "go ahead and file for divorce and get it over with". I told him that it was going to take a bit to do that because I had a waiting period where I was at and it would be faster if he filed in Pennsylvania because he already had the residency requirements. You think he would? Nope. Said I wanted it so I had to file. During my waiting period, I got no fewer than 3-4 letters from him every damn day. I told him, I really didnt need to know everything that was going on in his life and that one email a day would really suffice. At one point, I gather he'd had a very bad day and decided to take it out on me via email. I wrote him back that the next time he did it I was going to 01) file a complaint with the FCC because what he was doing is highly illegal and is considered harrassment even though it wasnt face to face and 02) I'd close down the email and he'd have no way to talk to me ever again. For the first time ever, I got an apology that actually LOOKED like he meant it.

So when the 6 months passed, I filed....then I sent the paperwork to his job with a delivery confirmation attached to it and instructions on what needed to be done...I even sent a money order to pay for notarization. Several weeks went by and he'd gotten quieter on the emails which was fine by me. So I dropped an email and told him if the paperwork wasnt in my hands and signed I was going to send it by courier and have him served in his classroom. I didnt give a damn if he had to pay the extra to overnight it at this point because I was footing the cost on everything else anyhow. I got the waiver, signed, in a few days. I go to court with the signed waiver, thinking things will just keep rolling when the clerk tells me that they needed the final decree signed as well and not just the waiver....WHAT?? They couldnt at least be helpful and let me know this when I'd been to file paperwork before?? *sigh* So I sent the paperwork to the school again with a letter he needed to sign ALL the papers. The envelope came back....he no longer was working at the school. I decided to play it smart, if he wasnt there then he may have gone to one of three homes to live because things were tight. I packed up 3 envelopes and sent them to all of those places. I sent separate instructions a week prior regarding what I was sending, how it was coming and if he wasnt there if they'd kindly just refuse the package so it came back to me. I was due to make a trip to Pa for my PaSis's wedding September 2005. The day before we left, all 3 managed to show back up...all RTS (return to sender). Needless to say I was really upset. I called my mom and she suggested that I make copies of the paperwork and have it on me, just in case he showed up anywhere I was (which was entirely possible because I was going to be in the town that I had run from). He wasnt there, and I had a peaceful visit. When we got back to Texas, I went to the courts and had a posting put up that I was looking for this man to sign some paperwork (more money out of pocket...this was beginning to suck). A couple days after putting the listing up, I was online with a mutual friend and she let me know the reason why I couldnt find him is because he'd been sent to prison....she just had no clue why. A few keystrokes and having an idea of where to look proved that yes he'd been arrested. Another mutual friend was kind enough to buy the archived article and damned if the bugger had been in prison since July 2004 for 5 counts harrassment and 3 counts stalking with the intent to do harm (said he'd kill them with a knife or gun after raping them). With some help from a friend of mine, I was able to get an addy for him and a prisoner number. I was given the info on who to contact and how to go about things. I left him a letter telling him that he either signed or I went and got the divorce without him, there were other ways around his signature now that he was in prison. The same day I dropped a letter to the DA over his case and introduced myself. The letter was 15 pages long and detailed life with the jerk over the period of 1990-2003. I dropped a message to the lady over the office I was dealing with in the courthouse and let her know that I did indeed manage to find him and that I was sending the papers along to him to sign. I was in contact with that office DAILY for weeks afterwards. Again, on the last possible day...I got the envelope with the divorce decree in it and signed. Unfortunately, there was another envelope with it. I wont go into details with it because I'll eventually be typing the letter in it's entirety in the Padded Room later. Just let's say that the letter was definitely beyond creepy. The critter is definitely psychotic. That day I wrote the DA and sent him a letter expressing my concern and sent along a copy of the letter idiotboy sent me as well as a photocopy of the envelope it was sent in. The handwriting on the envelope...wasnt his. This told me that someone else there had my address....plus it had a drawing of a flower on it....he cant draw worth shit. I got an email from the DA's office a few days later. It basically said I had enough to press charges if I care to and what that would entail. It also basically told me that since he did this from behind bars that it would add on to his already existing sentence (his sentence at the time was 7 months to 7 yrs for a first offense). Im thinking that letter and the fact I contacted the DA added onto his sentence and he wont be out until at least 2011. I thought about it for a day or so and wrote the DA back that he should place the stuff in the prisoner's file for review during his future parole hearings....that I was going to court the next day and having things finalized. After then, I wouldnt be family and after what he'd pulled I definitely didnt consider him a friend any longer so it would be illegal according to the rules of the prison for him to contact me. Once the divorce was finalized I filled out envelopes to the DA, the dingbat, the Superintendant of the prison and the mail room clerks. I told them that under code number whatever in that prison that the prisoner should be having no more contact with me. I also sent along copies of the finalized decree and letters that I had sent to everyone else so all were on the same page. In dingbat's letter I told him I'd contacted all of the others and sent him a copy of the email correspondence between me and the DA. I got a letter a couple weeks later from the prison....he'd been brought to the Super's office and officially ordered to never contact me again while behind their walls.


....ok that said...back to the phone call. The caller id name MATCHED the name of the DA over kahuna turd's case. You can pretty much guess exactly how freaked I was. The first thing I did was pull up the prison's site to make absolutely certain they still had him listed there. He was and considering the time difference between when the site had last been updated and the time I was checking, I was fairly certain he wasnt calling from that location. I did, however, suspect it was the DA because it was a Pennsylvania number (thank goodness for 411.com) and the addy hooked to it was a mere 90 minutes or so from the prison (thank goodness for Mapquest), so I called.....



are you ready for this?




It was someone who pays those that deliver our phone books wanting to be certain that it had indeed arrived on our doorstep a couple weeks back. I told them no and laughed (Ive since found out that it did arrive...hubby had brought it in and forgot to tell me... so I'll have to call later and let them know). The guy's wife (who'd picked up the phone) wanted to know what was funny so I told her why I hadnt picked up in the first place and the only reason why I even called back was because I'd been going through some old files and seen the name in my files. That yes, there was another man in Pennsylvania roughly in their area with the same doggone name that was a DA. She found it strangely funny too. It must have made an awesome share when the husband got home.

Sociopaths

I think part of my problem lately is something I saw on a tv talk show either Weds or Thurs. I think it was Thurs now that I think of it. I dont normally watch those things because alot of times they'll cover a topic that depresses the hell out of me and I've had more than enough depression for my lifetime as it is. This one particular one I stumbled over was on a segment dealing with sociopaths. When I say stumbled over I mean I wasnt really watching tv, but merely moving from the office near the livingroom through to the bedroom....it'd make things easier if there was a door straight from the office to the bedroom Im telling ya. Anyhow, they had a therapist talking about what a sociopath is and why they are the way they are.

so·ci·o·path (sō'sē-ə-păth, -shē-) noun
One who is affected with a personality disorder marked by antisocial behavior.

Definition courtesy of The American Heritage® Dictionary. Considering the topic I have going in my Padded Room, I found this a familiar yet depressing topic and was wondering what she'd have to say that would explain WHY I had to go through what I did. The definition definitely matches the situation and the person. So of course I have to dig and see how much more matches. While looking up the traits I found a good article
here. For ease I'll put the two most telling paragraphs in here as it's a rather long read otherwise:

Sociopaths have always existed in varying form and to various degrees. They have been known by various titles. They have been studied using various techniques, and through the years their ailment has been blamed on various causes. But one thing never varies: all sociopaths share three common characteristics. They are all very egocentric individuals with no empathy for others, and they are incapable of feeling remorse or guilt.

Sociopaths are very egocentric individuals that lack a sense of personal responsibility and morality. They may be impulsive, manipulative, reckless, quarrelsome, and consistent liars. Sociopaths are usually unable to sustain relationships and have a total lack of remorse for their actions. The sociopath may also be very prone to aggressive, hostile, and sometimes violent behaviour. This aggression may or may not lead to criminal behaviour and often takes the form of domestic violence. Along with these other actions, sociopaths often engage in self-destructive behaviour such as alcoholism or addiction to drugs. This, of course, usually worsens many aspects of the sociopathic behaviour. Despite these previous symptoms, the sociopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency. It is these qualities that sometimes place the sociopath in leadership positions within their social groups and often make it hard to spot their "black side".

The person in my Padded Room section exhibits signs of the true sociopath as well as the Dyssocial sociopath described later in the article. He hasnt shown signs of the secondary or neurotic sociopath yet, but that's because he's still behind bars from that last time. It's just a matter of time to see if he's going to be a repeat offender. If he ends up behind bars shortly after being released, we'll have our answer to this.

Another article that goes into a list of traits of the sociopath. Most telling is about halfway down in the section labelled Psychopaths Next Door. Here's a link that takes you to the site they got that part of the article from.

Anyhow... back to the tv program. The guest speaker went on to say that she believes there is no cure for this problem and that many people are born with these tendencies. If you go by the listing of traits you can find online, many could easily be called sociopaths. Her biggest point was that although born with the tendency, not everyone goes all Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. She said her theory was that the environment that the sociopath is born into has alot to do with it. So, a boy child born with sociopathic tendencies gets born into a family where there's a strong father figure that yells alot and talks down to the females in the family...this will more than likely foster a young man who believes it's appropriate to belittle and verbally abuse women as this is all he's seen for his whole life. Once one sociopathic trait is fostered, it stands to reason that other traits will come to the surface right? So what if this ISNT all my ex's fault? What if just possibly it's a genetic problem that cant be cured? Im not sure whether I hate him or pity him at this point. I am grateful that I wont be bearing any kids like him for sure. It also makes me awfully glad Im where Im at now.

I know that was a deep topic but it's kinda been on my mind for a few days.....

Chicago has so many questions! LOL

Even though I went into quite a bit of detail, my friend Chicagolady actually came up with a couple questions that couldnt be answered by the entry in my Padded Room and a really good question for the main blog. I feel the answers are a tad lengthy for a comment back so Im just going to pop them in here in case someone else was wanting to know and just hadnt gotten around to asking.

From the main blog:
I know how you feel, I've had days where I just don't feel like posting, or doing anything at all. Sometimes a break helps, but then I've found it kind of hard to get back into the routine.Think about what it was about that time that you hoped might be therapeutic. Was it the day-to-day stuff you've been talking about, or were there other things that need to be dealt with? Maybe your focus needs to be more refined?

I find taking more than a few days' break just makes it easier to stay away. That's what happened to my alternate 360 page (which has become the Padded Room here). I took a few days off because the subject matter was giving me a migraine. When I tried to go back to it, the headache would come back so I'd stay off a few more days. Then it turned into a few weeks...then months. This could be just a sign I need to drop the whole damn mess but on the off chance I have someone reading that went through (or is going through) the same garbage, it helps to know they arent the only one that this has happened to. Occasionally when people find out this is my second marriage, people will ask about the first one and this way I can just steer them to this blog area. If they want the gory details, they can do what ya'll have been doing and read the entries.

The day to day type blog actually started out as the therapy blog but I figured it'd also be nice to have a day to day thingie in case someone lost track of how I am doing. Like my friend Gary comes in here and keeps up with the goings on. When he gives a jingle every other week or so, he's pretty much caught up and can fine tune his questions to my latest babble (and this way I dont have to struggle to remember what we talked about last time). Im not certain I CAN refine it anymore than I have. I've got 2 separate blog areas (albiet they are on the same account here which I find absolutely fantastic!) and for the most part can keep the past crap on one while the day to day stuff is here. There are days, however, when something is going on in my life that gives me a backflash so every now and then (Roads Not Taken entry is one of those) the dividing lines get rather blurred. I can only hope there's enough division to help keep things more organized.

I had thought it would be more therapeutic because it's the same stuff I'd be telling a therapist if I had had the mind to go. However, if I went to a therapist all that was said would be behind those walls and in those files. Granted, it'd have been more helpful for me to have that additional support but then there's also a possibility they would have put me on meds for depression (I was suicidal at one point, Im sure of it) as well and I hate drugs. Plus with the info locked away in such a manner it would never help anyone else. I guess that's why I really started it. Not only to help myself some, but to help others. I cant guarantee it actually is reaching many more than a few, but maybe someone out there is reading and thinking of a friend and is passing this link along. I hope all this was able to answer your question. My luck it was just a babbling mess as usual.

From the Padded Room:
Do you still find painting the plaster pieces as relaxing as you did then? Do you still listen to Yanni when painting?

Sometimes I do. Not all the time though. I found it relaxing before because I was following directions word for word...much like in counted cross-stitch. These days, I dont do kits so much as openstock pieces. Some, like the horse plaques Im doing, do come with instructions but my creations usually look so much nicer than if it's finished as pictured. I've been hoping some of these would sell on EBay but they havent. It could be the pictures arent so hot, could also be where Im listing them on that site as well. Who knows.

Some days it's very relaxing. Im finding out that I cant paint nearly as long as I used to (I used to paint for 2-3-4 hours a session). Nowadays, I have to take frequent breaks and pieces take longer now. My hands cant handle holding the bigger pieces as well as they used to (but but but ...those are my favorite pieces to do!!) and neither my hands nor my eyes handle the smaller pieces (like ornaments) quite so well anymore. The less detail on the smaller piece the better. My eyes like to cross at the most inopportune moment at times (so no, glasses wont help this...just give me a bigger headache because they're needed for distances not up close). My hands arent really as steady as they used to be and then there's my back. I really need to get a taller table...or a shorter chair.

No, I dont listen to Yanni while painting anymore. The freestyle painting I do doesnt require nearly the concentration so I can play anything I want (plus someone isnt telling me to shut up all the damn time so I can sing while I work if I wanna..he HATED alot of the music I usually like to play). I dont have my Yanni collection anymore anyhow. As it was all in cassette, and I had to run light, it got left behind ( I had 7-10 tapes of his too). All I took when I left were my cds and I didnt own any Yanni cds at the time. I have a few cds that I picked up over the last year or so and I have several other files on the computer that I ~could~ burn if I wanted to. I guess I havent because my kitchen is actually an all purpose / catch-all type room (I'll post some pix later on the home page). I have my stereo in there so I have tunes to listen to while doing the dishes (the apt we were in had an open plan and I used to just play music on the tv in the livingroom- cant do that here) or doing laundry. While doing that, I need upbeat tunes. Right now I have Hilary Duff's Dignity in as well as a cd by Pink, one by Gloria Estefan and a couple others I cant think of off the top of my head. This way I can sing and move around to some awesome tunes (ok ok...I dance around rather clumsily too...So You Think You Can Dance has no worries...I have no intention of auditioning!). When I paint, I seldom think to change out the tunes. Some cds are harder to paint to though. Heart's real rough because I tend to sing more than I paint or I hit the repeat button...repeatedly...because of a great song (Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Bon Jovi, No Doubt and Janet Jackson are equally tough...LOL). I guess I really stopped listening because I didnt need to get into that serenity zone as much as I did. Yanni can be so soothing and relaxing for the most part and I really needed that around that time.

I hope this sufficiently answered your questions Chicagolady ~grin~.