Day 28

Day 28: A song that makes you feel guilty

This is probably the one day out of the entire 30 day game that I've been dreading. Why? Because I have plenty to feel guilty about but nothing that I'd care to admit to anyone. Things that I plan on taking right to my grave kinda guilty. Unless I finally decide to go to a therapist, then I'll be doing plenty of talking because they're paid to keep those secrets.

I mean, technically I could do an absolute cop out and pick Tiny Dancer by Elton John because it reminds me of the very first time I spoke to my present hubby. Why should that great memory make me feel guilty? Because I was still married to my first husband at the time. So basically, I have that little twinge of guilt but the warm feelings of a good memory pretty much outweigh any moment of guilt I feel.

So. What do I post for today?

How about this one? It fits well because I feel really guilty about the prison that I allowed myself to be put into during the first marriage and the one that I went into the minute I ran. The jailer is different and the punishment has changed from external to internal. There are days where I'm not sure who was/ is worse. One of these days I'll get it figured out.


ChicagoLady said...

You have nothing to feel guilty about! Yes, "technically" you were married, but it was no real marriage. He did more than enough to annul it in the eyes of God. One definition of annul: To reduce to nothing.

I've never really thought about a song that would make me feel guilty. I know something that I feel guilty about, but I have no idea if there's a song that fits it.

Texas Gal said...

I agree with ChicagoLady about you not feeling guilty!!! You were living in hell...*Hugs*

Oh we all go through the twinges of something we know we shouldn't be doing and mine is from my first marriage...too young to be married and still a party girl..(got married at 17) so my "guilty"song would have to be Midnight Oil by Barbara Mandrell

ChicagoLady said...

I found the song that brings out my guilt, every time I hear it. "The Baby" by Blake Shelton. It's the last 5 lines of the song that do it:

And I knew that she'd been taken,
and my heart it was breakin',
I never got to say goodbye.
I softly kissed that lady
and cried just like a baby.

Toriz said...

I agree with those before me; you have nothing to feel guilty about... Focus on the happy part of that memory and how you're now with someone who loves you like you deserve to be loved!

As for me... I have to go with... "Unchanged Melody"... It doesn't matter who sings it. It reminds me of an ex (first really serious relationship). That's not the part I feel guilty about though. It's his parents. I said a few things to them I wish I could apologise for (and would, if I knew how to get in touch withh them now). They were nothing but nice to me, but because of how he was... Well, I took it out on them a bit, and gave them some serious teenage attitude. Like I said, if I knew how to get in touch with them, I'd apologise, but I don't know how to find them. I know their names, I know where they lived, but I'm too scared to get hold of their phone number and phone (in case he answers and not one of them) and I've not had any luck finding them online (the names aren't exactly uncommon names, and I don't want to e-mail the wrong people).

That's the only thing I really wish I could go back and change... The only thing I feel real serious guilt about!

Intense Guy said...

I agree with the rest - you've no need to feel guilty... but you will need to work out all those issues - for yourself.. but I've said it before and I'll say it again - you've come a long long way.

Guilty? Hmmm... I'm just going to say "Lawrence Welk" songs and I feel bad because I always laughed at my grandmother when she watched the show with genuine delight. She wanted me to play "Toyland" (or Babes in Toyland) on the piano for her - and I never did.


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