I cant believe it's been so long...

...since I wrote in here. There really isnt a whole lot going on right now (although I bet this entry will say otherwise by the time Im done) and I simply havent been able to bring myself to write. I just dont have the desire to to much of anything lately. I know what it is though as I've been through this before. The only difference between the last time and now is that Im married to an awesome man that doesnt verbally abuse me every chance he gets. However, the stuff going on pretty much triggers flashbacks and shit which brings up the same depression I had before. Thankfully I havent gotten to the point of wondering if anyone would miss me if I fell off a roof or anything, but the headaches have returned and the lack of desire for anything short of eating, wanting to cry and sleeping constantly. I know...I really should discuss this with the doctor...

It's been a week and a half since I wrote that "friend" and havent heard anything yet. I suspect I probably wont. I do know via a 3rd party that she at least got the message, now whether she actually READ it is another story. I do know that she asked said 3rd party what she should do about it and what she was advised to do. Ball's in her court at this point (damn this sounds familiar). If I hear back..great, if not...well it's her loss. I did, however, leave her some links to look into to help her with her problem. Wouldnt you know, while I was looking up stuff for her I found one or two that may help me. Maybe I should actually look into them today.

Havent done anything more in the line of applications yet. I do have a list of 7 or 8 stores in the mall around the corner that I may be applying to this week. My depressed state pretty much is holding me back here. Im going to have to do some thinking and see if I can figure out why filling these apps out is scaring me so much. I just feel so damn afraid. Is it the fear that our relationship will change? Or is it simply that Im afraid of getting settled in a place and have to leave it because of a position he ends up taking? Worse yet, if I go seasonal and get laid off in January....will he have a job by then? Should I be looking for something permanent instead just in case he has a hard time finding something? Just so many questions and no right answer for anything, but then again is there ever a right answer for anything? Maybe I should just bite the bullet and just go for it...all the places on this list are nationwide anyhow.

We've had temperatures jumping around the last week and a half. Not exactly conducive to feeling well for sure. Last week I ended up going into the dr's office to have my throat looked at. I had been taking all my meds as well as the Flonase so I was sure my problem wasnt allergies and hubby said many at work had been sick. I figured to be on the safe side I better go in because what I was looking at in my throat certainly APPEARED to be strep throat. Turns out my glands just went a little haywire and the dr I saw figures it was the change of weather. If it didnt get better in a week to come back. Thank goodness it wasnt strep. The other vitals were 98.7 (a bit high for me...I had the headache to back the fever up too), 272.5lbs (only a half pound up from last time...not losing but not really gaining either) and a 128/74 for a bp (not bad for an afternoon appointment and I'd been going all day). I didnt get to see my usual dr so I didnt bring up anything but my throat while I was there. My usual dr isnt available until the 12th of this month. IF Im feeling this way come the 12th, I may be making an appointment to see her. Im really kinda picky...if I have a cold or something really pressing I will see almost anyone they have on staff. However, for issues like this (among other things) I'd much rather be seeing just the one dr. I know that they have rather limited time for each appointment and rather than have to tell everything all over again and catch the next dr up to speed (every damn time Im there...it gets frustrating!!!)...it's just easier to see the primary dr (she remembers almost everything I tell her from one visit to the next no matter HOW long it's been). This may stem from the fact that I only saw the one dr while I was growing up and Im not used to seeing so many different people for my health.

Ive been placed under orders to not by the Eagles cd for myself. Seems my SCSis is buying it for me as part of my Christmas gift. Normally she wouldnt give me a heads up but she figured since I stream and I love music it would be in her best interests to make absolutely certain I did NOT have what she was planning on buying for me. Gotta love her. I fussed, of course, over the amount of money that I knew she was putting out but was told it was her money to do with as she saw fit. *sigh* ALl I can do now is accept it and say thanks. I did find something online that I think she'll like though so if we have a few dollars in the next two weeks I'll ask hubby to buy it so I can get it done in enough time. I still have those 2 horse plaques to finish yet and at least one more gift to paint before the end of the month. Maybe I'll start the gift as Im putting the finishing touches on the plaques. While Im waiting on parts of the plaques to dry I could be putting the white base coat on the next item. The base coat pretty much makes it easier to cover an "oops"...especially the darker colors that like to bleed (the bare plaster would soak the color right in and make it much harder to fix). Cant paint until hubby's awake though because I simply GOTTA have my music playing and I cant play music in the kitchen while he's sleeping. Even if I had a set of headphones with a cord long enough...I tend to sing so that option's pretty much out.

Slipped into a different nick and went to visit a couple friends during their streams this week. Normally I wont go where I dont stream but it was nice to see some familiar faces for a change. Really glad I did because for the one it was her last stream. Guarantee I wont be in that site anymore as I have no real reason to go in. The other...LOL....called me a bitch in MSN because I had snuck in. Hey at least I let you know in MSN that I had shown up. I coulda just messed around with you and not said anything...LOL (ooh...I think I got called a bitch again...LOL...thanks for noticing!!!)

Well I guess I gotta scoot. Time to cook something so hubby has lunch to bring tonight. I think I may get the pix off my camera too so maybe if I'm up to it I'll post a few later...or maybe tomorrow. *shrugz*

IT'S TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok ok. I'll try and tone it down some. You'd think I'd been going on and on about this cd...sheesh. My hubby, the cheeky little monkey that he is decided to play the "dumb game" on me last night. I said " is it Tuesday yet?" So what does he say? "What's Tuesday?" Just as though I havent been overly hopped up all week for this. Then he goes to say... "Oh yeah it's Bones/ House night". *shakes head* He does this just to mess around with me. So I told him basically what I said in my blog....that I'd been listening to it all day and it'd be nice if it walked through the door in his hands Tuesday night. I got the "what you cant wait" look from him. Well, in this case no. I am usually really really good about waiting until Thursday or Friday to get my cds but nope, not this week. I've been reading that some of the stores have been selling out of the cd already. Im hoping since this seems to be Carrie country that maybe just maybe it'll still be on the racks when he goes to get it. I even went as far as to put all my cash in a pile (all $17 of it and I KNOW it doesnt cost that much cuz Wally World's got it listed at $9.72 or so) on TOP of his filthy weeds with a note attached "Is it Tuesday yet???? It's coming home today right??" I woke up to find my pile of money on my desk...with the note still attached to it. Now either it's his way of saying that he'll buy it or that he aint bringin it home. Might be the former because he's always saying that he wants me to have cash on hand in case I need something and he's not home. Well hell if I had enough on hand I woulda cabbed out this afternoon, bought it and cabbed back. Yeah I want it that bad.

I wrote a nice long letter to that "friend" that I mentioned. Pretty much it puts the ball in her court and if she wants to write back, fine....if not, oh well I tried. Seems like every year about this time some crap happens and feelings are hurt. Im thinking of taking a vacation from the 'net starting the end of September to the end of November from now on, maybe that'll help matters. I dont know what it is, am I more testy at this time of year or is everyone just more sensitive? I dunno. Part of me wants to say that I dont want/need the extra drama on my plate anyhow so just bugger off.....but then the other part of me wants to be there incase Im needed for support. Ah well.

Not much else is going on. I got 2 apps done yesterday and I really need to get the other two finished tonight. I dont feel like it though.


It's a nicer day today, we got into the 60's *whoot*. Im still in my slippers but the heater hasnt kicked in yet today (we turned it on last night as it dipped into the 40's over night). Im going to post a few pictures below that I took a couple weeks ago. Ive been meaning to get them posted.




Reminds me how the "lovebugs" in Louisiana would fly around butt to butt....doing just what their name says. I sure hope the butterflies aint the same because with the lovebugs the males would shrivel and die in the act and then fall off. I hope the butterfly was luckier.

Never saw one of these at rest before. There are several that fly around our house. Im less afraid of these than most biological flying objects. We've had several butterflies in the yard as well up until a couple days ago. Never could get close enough to get a good shot of them.

This is the yucca in our front yard. This year the plant sprouted 4 of the branches with the flowers on it. Until we moved here, I'd never seen a plant like this. The leaves are very sharp and when the flowers die off it's a bitch trying to get that branch cut down out of the middle (it looks plum-aweful unless you do).

BRRRRRRR!, PetSmart, and Bo of course....

We had a rainstorm go through this morning and it's been gray and dreary ..not a lick of sun. One of those days when you just want to stay curled under the comforter all day... and Brrrrrrrrr it's gotten cold out. I know my friends are all pretty much going to tell me to shut my damn mouth because invaribly (sp?) it's colder where they're at. We've got 50 degrees today and the wind's been whipping for the last day or so. Oh yeah, Im sure my friends have colder temps but please remember it was 80 degrees out not just 2-3 days ago and in the 90's ~just~ last week. The floor's cold enough I actually had to put slippers on today and I HATE having anything on my feet. This keeps up I may have to put some pants on too (to clarify things for the pervs out there I wear shorts around the house...get ya minds outta the gutters). Man I wish my tea would hurry the hell up and get brewed. I wonder if I have enough chocolate syrup to make hot cocoa with....

I went through my emails in my roadrunner account yesterday and sent a thank you letter to the gal from the homeoffices of PetSmart because she's been so damn helpful forwarding stuff to the store I was trying to get hired at. I guess this morning she sent out the info again to make sure someone at least got back to me on the application which was really nice of her. I got a call from the store manager and they dont have anything at this point as they'd just hired 2 and had 2 more out for drug testing. He was wondering what the problem was with the website and I told him and he said he'd have it looked at..thanks for letting them know. This particular store does not do overnight stockers (that's not what I was led to believe on the app online....) but that some of the stores do. He said that although he was fully staffed that you never know when someone was going to want a tranfer or quit. He also pointed out that who knows by next week they may need 2-3 seasonal helpers too. I told him it was ok to put my info on the back burner and give me a jingle if anything opened up. If I was still unemployed at that point maybe we could get something to work. Im not overly dissappointed with this one, just a little...definitely more than the other store for sure. I still have a few leads out and I have 4 more in my email inbox that I can apply to. They're ones that I had goaled out to apply to this week and I found that they had online apps I could fill out which is what I'll be doing after I finish my blog. Maybe this week? I know what everyone is going to say..."I hope you find something you'll be happy at"... to be honest Im not really sure Im going to be happy anywhere as it wasnt exactly my choice to go back into the work force. If it had been my choice, then things would be different. Right now, Im still very uneasy and worried about it. Im beginning to think that when we got me on insurance that I should have put myself in therapy in an effort to get ready for this possibility. I just know once I get there and get my work legs back under me I more than likely will be fine. It's just taking those first steps and doing for myself. I know...baby steps, one at a time. It still feels like a long road though.

I was in my MySpace today and a couple of my Bo-addicted friends had this link in their blogs. Looks like you can hear all of Bo's cd (complete songs, not samples, *WHOOOOOOT* and the whole cd....sweeeeeeeeeet) today. I give you one guess what I was listening to while reading my blogs. I figured while I was at it I'd listen to the Carrie Underwood one too. I mean she did surprise the crap outta me with her first cd. It's on my Amazon wish list so maybe I'll get lucky and it'll turn up for Christmas. ANYHOW, I give you one guess which one I'll be listening to the rest of the day though and where my money is headed....... If you like ZZTop, Lynard Skynyrd, The Eagles or any music like that...you'll LOVE Bo's cd. Ohhh and that reminds me...the Eagles new cd is out next week. Cant wait for that one either.

updates, the truck and a ponderance

Well the shoe-in I thought I had with Target turned out to not happen. I cant say it's upsetting me any to be honest. After the interview that day I was beginning to think the job wasnt going to be for me. I mean who sticks their overnight stockers in uniform when your company isnt a 24 hr store? It simply doesnt make sense! Now WalMart, I can see it because they are open 24 hours and the stockers have to handle customers too....but Target? *shakes head* I not only would have had to put out money for khakis (which is to be expected when you live in knit pants...when you MANAGE to pull ON pants that is)...but red shirts too? Im sorry but having to put out a hundred or two dollars on work clothes just doesnt cut it with me...ESPECIALLY when you know it's ~just~ for a seasonal position. I told hubby this as we were going to the car to drop me off home. In the days following the interview this feeling just got stronger that I wouldnt be happy there anyhow. Then on Wednesday I got the "thanks but no thanks" card from Target. At least they were nice enough to let me know one way or another...most places dont do that. I cant tell you how relieved I was about this though. I had been praying all that time that one of the other places would call first. I still havent heard from the others I had applied to but it's still early. Most places dont exactly have their seasonal people in place for another week or two anyhow. On the off chance that the first batch doesnt pan out, however, I have another 4-5 target stores Im going to drop resumes and cover letters to. With any luck something should pan out in a week or two. *crosses fingers* All I know is this is turning out harder than it used to be. Could be it's because Im a bit older (yeah I know Im not but when you're competing with 20 somethings for the same jobs...pushing 40 real hard just doesnt help matters any), or it could be because I have been out of work for as long as I have.

Called my mom today and she's doing very well. She sounded like she's in better spirits than I was at the same time of recovery for my gall bladder operation. Of course, she's in better shape and handles pain better than I do so her recovery may take less time. She's already getting around on her own, much to my daddy's dismay. I think he was looking forward to taking care of her for a while because she had to do alot for him when he was out for his shoulder and arm. Ah well.

Hubby went with his friend Bill yesterday back to work. The truck had broken down sometime last month as he was headed to work and it's been parked there all this time. They went to see if they could nurse it back here so it would at least be off the work's parking lot. Damn thing broke down 3 times before they got it halfway home and then wouldnt start at all afterwards. *sigh* Hubby ended up calling to have the bugger towed home. It's now making a very nice lawn ornament to my front lawn. They're not sure what's wrong with it but have 4 or 5 ideas of what it COULD be. Some are easy and relatively easy fixes....others, however, not so much. Looks like it's not going to be fixed until the top of the year or when tax time comes. This sucks because at 15 mpg it has the better gas mileage of the two vehicles.

Ok question... say you have an aqcaintence that you had a falling out with. This person hasnt talked to you in forever. In fact the last time you actually talked it wasnt pleasant at all. Then this person has tragedy in their family....so you do the right thing and send a sympathy card. You get no thank you (not that it was truly expected) nor any acknowledgement of it with the exception of a mention to a third party who made sure you knew that it was acknowledged (but it wasnt said directly to you). All of a sudden you start getting forwards from this person...not often but just enough so you know they are alive. No notes, no Im thinking of you, nothing but generic forwards that tell you to pass it to 5 friends or so. They dont talk to you otherwise...no call (which is fine I hate the phone anyhow), no notes, not even a brief chat in a messenger service. How do you deal with this person? Ok better yet, say you sent a very polite note simply stating it would be nice to hear FROM them now n then and not just forwards all the time and they wrote this really nasty note back at you? I really had thought I had handled this one correctly for a change...I guess not.

job hunting, interview, the weather and mom

I know it's been several days since I last wrote in here. It's been a little busy here with getting my resume brushed back up and getting a decent cover letter written. I hadnt had to do either in 4 years or so and had no clue as how to begin. Thankfully, hubby was doing one for himself and I was able to get a good idea as to how I wanted the finished product to look. The cover letter was another matter. I figured to give a bit of background on the other places that I worked for that didnt make it on the resume. That particular project took a little longer than expected because there was just sooo much information to put in. I ened up paring it down quite a bit and the bugger STILL was close to 2 full pages (then there was hubby who only had, like, 3 lines...*sigh*).

The week before last we went out for me to get applications. The first thing I did when I walked into a place was checked out what the employees were wearing. Sneakers? Check. Tops and bottoms...are they jeans, dockers or whatever? Most places I've noticed seem to prefer khakis and polo shirts on their workers. The reason for checking all this out is to find out how much money the place is going to run me on a startup cost. Shirts arent much of a problem because I can get them pretty readily at WalMart or Target and they'll fit nicely, but pants are another story for me. I just find it hard to find ones that fit comfortably. It's harder still when they insist on the fitted waistbands instead of the elastic waists that I prefer....especially if it's likely that I'll lose weight working...then having to invest in more pants. I ended up going home with 4 apps to fill out.... Hobby Lobby (ideal job, Sundays off guaranteed), Big Lots (good because all I'll need to worry about is jeans), Michaels (whoot a craft store and in jeans), and Office Depot. I've yet to fill out the latter because it means a complete retrofit of my wardrobe, even sneakers. They have their people in denim shirts (more costly than a polo for sure), black dress pants (which I have exactly 1 pair of and they arent even the type worn there) and BLACK sneakers. The only sneaks Ive found that are really comfy cost me $35 ON SALE. Needless to say, I aint about to fill that one out unless nothing else pans out. I filled out the other 3 though and this past Friday went out with hubby to drop them off with a packet containing a resume and cover letter each. I was greeted with a smile at Hobby Lobby but not so much at Big Lots. Hmmm am re-thinking that place now. While out in that direction I applied at the Albertson's kiosk and dropped off a packet. I got to talk to an assistant manager for a few minutes there. This was a plus in my eyes that she took time to talk to me right then. Im hoping they thought it was a plus that I old-schooled it with a resume and letter.

Then we headed in the other direction and I stopped off at PetSmart to drop off a packet (I was able to do their app on line...thank goodness). After, I went next door to the Target and filled out an app on their kiosk. Again I old-schooled it and was sent to the office to turn in my packet of papers. I walked out of there with an interview scheduled for today. Here I was going to go across the street and fill out the kiosk at WalMart as well but decided to not bother since I had an interview lined up and interest generated at Albertson's and PetSmart as well. We went shopping and then went home. Sometime over the last week I also filled out an app for Best Buy online. They have a store going up around the corner near Loews and Home Depot. This would be ideal because I could pretty much shoot for the position I really like doing...the playing field is wide open in that case. I love coming in on a new store...you actually get to work in the place and get familiar with it BEFORE you need to deal with customers.

Today's interview went well. I found a kindred spirit in the first person I spoke with in that he's divorced and under some unpleasant circumstances as well. We must have talked for a good 45-50 minutes at least. He told me to wait in the breakroom and he'd see if someone else could talk to me too. Look at that I walk in and have 2 interviews on the same day. The next person I talked to was the HR director. I was told what the uniform would be (uniform on night crew? *sigh* yep...even though there are no customers to deal with...we still have to wear the store colors...sheesh...not sure Im gonna like this) and that the pay for receiving was $8/hr to start and a $1/hr wage differential for the night crew. Not bad, pretty much what I was making when I left the one store (there I was at $9/hr+ comm). ..very good considering I havent worked in 4 years. The good thing about here is that the usual schedule has us off on Tues and Sat nights. That's right, I'd be able to stream my usual nights still. Unfortunately, I'd never see hubby except in the car... The HR is going to place a few calls and do a background check and call me by Friday.If I pass that and the drug test, I'll be working by next week. As good as the job sounds, Im really kinda hoping one of the other places calls instead. Im still not really sure Im ready to be back yet but I guess I kinda HAVE to be.

We have been having some really nice weather the last few days. Mostly 80 degree temps and so beautiful that the a/c can be turned off and the windows opened wide. Last night the weather changed and storms rolled in off and on all night. This morning we still had lots of rain and thunder. It was so grey out...the perfect type of day to stay under the covers and sleep the day away. Go figure I had to get up and get going because of an interview. It was 60 degrees out at noon so I wore my short-sleeved sweater for my interview...the nice red one my TxSis bought for me for Christmas. If it hadnt been for my black dress pants they could have slapped a name badge on me and put me right to work. It's still nice and cool out, but now it's too cool to open the windows for the night because we'll have the sniffles tomorrow if we do. Last thing I need now is a cold.

Mom called this evening and we talked for a bit. She's gone in for her lab work and got all the paperwork ready for her surgery this week. They want her in at 605am and surgery will be around 8am or so. From what she was saying, the drs expect to release her back home around 2pm or so. Dang, I wish mine had been that easy. Im so glad we caught this early on her though. They're anticipating a 4 week recovery time. I guess the surgeon's nurse had said that it'd be only 2 weeks but that short recovery is for sedentary jobs. Mom's job is a bit more active than that. She calls herself a "package beautification specialist"...just a nice way of saying a gift wrapper. Considering the types of packages she has to wrap (oftentimes several sets of dishes) and the fact the rolls of wrap are really heavy (they come on HUGE rolls that are bolted to the wall), the dr said at LEAST 4 weeks.

updates and other mish mosh

Yes, I too have days and weeks much like this. Although the sun is blazing brightly outside, I feel like there's a huge cloud hanging over my head. I've spent much of this week in huge mood swings, one minute feeling fine and the next wanting to lash out at anything and everyone. I even had a couple people (who dont know each other and live in different parts of this country) say I sounded grumpy and they just knew something wasnt right. No, it isnt simply from empty Saturday nights...infact it's nothing from online. For once all the problems are situated very firmly in the homebase and not online.

As we get closer and closer to December, and my husband's release date, Im getting wound tighter and tighter. I've been finding it extremely hard to sleep a whole night without interruption. I suspect it's because my mind is mulling things over constantly and as a result I toss and turn most the night. I know most of this shit is stuff I cant control, but being high strung....it doesnt matter that it's not in my control, I still get uptight over it. I've found out that although he's looking for another job, it's in our best financial interest that he stays for the severance package. With the way the mortage rates have gone up (50%!!!), the house that cost us a little more than $100 more than what we were paying at the apartment complex (just the mortgage payment, not the insurance on top of it) is now costing us much more than our budget can handle comfortably. I knew it was going to get to the point where I was going to have to pull a job eventually (assuming no children were forth coming) just on the basis that I really need to get out and socialize and the exercise was going to do me good. However, in an ideal world getting a job was going to be my idea and come along when I was damn ready for it (ready being the operative word here now I gotta dig and figure out why I havent been ready in 3 years because Im not a lazy person so that aint it). Well, this being reality and all, the choice has now been taken out of my hands. This isnt exactly what had me depressed the last few days (althought the fact the choice was made FOR me and not one I made on my own pretty much upsets me). The depressing thing is that I found out on Monday (last week...not this past one) that things were rougher than I was led to believe. The mortgage payments not only have gone up several times since we bought the house but two of those came just this year since we've been married. Not cool. The last conversation we'd had when he said they'd gone up had resulted him saying that it was up to me if I went back or not. Now, after 3 years he knows I have a slight hearing problem and no it aint "selective". If you turn your back or walk away from me while talking I do NOT hear the last bit of the conversation. The last part of what he said went completely unnoticed by me until just this week when we were discussing it again. The last statement had been "but it sure would help out if you did". So now Im not only upset with him for allowing it to go this long but Im pissed at myself for not noticing. What's a gal to think when some of the same stuff is coming in the house and we havent visibly started cutting luxuries? Instead of paying for the cd in the cart...allow me to take it out of the money in my purse. A couple times of that happening you know Im gonna be more chosey. Or better yet...tell me we cant afford much extra at all these 2 weeks. That'll make the point, trust me. I KNOW what "we cant afford" means. Been there, done that. The only thing I can think of is that knowing where I come from he's afraid Im going to toss him aside and leave. I mean I have done it before. The difference here is the man loves me and has no qualms of saying so infront of everyone.

Hubby went to the ENT last week. From sound of things, all is healing well. The dr had used those dissolvable stitches so there's nothing to remove. Infact, the ones she put in pretty much are gone already. He's got an appointment next week to check the healing. Thankfully, once the pills are gone for the rinse solution he wont have to do that anymore. This is really good because Im really tired of getting up in the mornings to make the solution. Oh I know he's a big boy and can do it himself but I also know he wont do it unless it's made for him . From what he's said the wash tastes nasty and he hates having to do it. A good deterrant so one doesnt get hooked on it I guess. No, you arent supposed to drink it but you squeeze it up the nostril and it runs out your mouth so it leaves a really yucky after taste. Kinda makes me not want the surgery myself and you can guarantee I'm fighting my sinuses tooth and nail to not have to take that option.

Last few days I've been only looking at options for us. Things are so damn expensive. For less than what we're paying on the mortgage we can get a 3 bedroom apartment in a bad section of town. Nope nope not that. Alot of the 2 bedrooms are as much or more than what we're paying now. Even on the low end it'll be tight. A savings over what we have now yes, but still tight. I told hubby if I go and get a job this week we will be staying in this house or at least this neighborhood because Im not going to get settled into a job and have to leave it right away. It's not fair to me and not fair to the perspective employer. Basically I told him if he wants to move to decide now. He suggested that we stay until after the holidays that way I can shoot for seasonal employment with the possibility of staying permanent if we end up staying in this house. He did see a house "down the road" (Ive found that down the road doesnt necessarily mean down the same street here in Texas) that was for rent for less than what we are paying now. It's supposedly in an area near some businesses (one being a Racetrac)....there better be more than convienence marts in the area I'll tell ya. There are a few places I refuse to work at..... gas stations and convienence marts are one because they get robbed regularly and food establishments. I am retail through and through. So I think this week we'll take a look around and see what's available. One thing we need to remember is we have tight funds so the option of setting up in a new place and fixing up this place to sell just isnt feasible. Hmm I think I just proved to myself we aint leaving here any too soon. Maybe we'd better just go job hunting instead. I have a list of some stores in the area close enough where it would be feasible. Just means I am going to need to put out cab money (these places are about a $10 cab ride one way away from me) a few days a week unless I get the HR to arrange my schedule to fall on my hubby's off days. Right now they are Thursday- Saturday and every other Wednesday. Those are days most retail needs the most workers anyhow. It just means if I get a job that streaming is going to be out of the question for a while (well I guess that decision was made for me too...) because I wont know what hours Im pulling on Saturdays and you KNOW as being low person on the totem pole my hours wont be regular (sounds like something else I know).

Come November, hubby will be going on nights again for the reminder of his time there. Yeah, Im upset but this was his decision and I have to agree to why he decided it. With money so tight, it's just beneficial for him to go on night shift because of the 15% differential (more money). Looks like this month is going to get where I wont see him much because he'll be covering for someone as well as pulling his own shift for a week (possibly two). It'll mean more money and I guess he's talking to the boss about going on "bankers hours" on the days he's covering (which in this case would be 8-5pm) so he isnt so whipped. If he does that it means no overtime daily though (his company does overtime as after 8 hours for the day you go on OT and not after 40 hours weekly like most places do it). It still means more money overall though.

Updates on hubby and my mommy, music, my SCSis

Yesterday hubby went to his ENT appointment. From what he was telling me, it's a really good thing I didnt go in with him this time. First of all the doctor wasnt even there, she'd called to say she'd be 20 minutes late getting in. I dont deal well with waiting, especially when I manage to get places a good 10-15 minutes early most times. Im sure this will change once I have kids. Secondly, while she was shop vaccing out his sinuses, quite a bit of blood decided to make an appearance (there were stains on his shirt and pants because of it). I dont deal with blood too well and the great amount there is the less I can handle it. Top things all off the dr told him how large the polyp was that they removed. I gather for small polyps they simply cauterize the wound. The bugger was so large they ended up putting stitches in (which have to be removed next week). How large you ask? The bitch was as large as a walnut......larger than a quarter. No wonder that poor guy was continually getting sick!! He's still on some restrictions in what he's allowed to do yet.

Went on our weekly trip to Wally World today. Good thing too because the cupboards and the freezer were pretty much bare. While there I picked up KT's new cd and a Power of Rock cd. That last one I couldnt resist as it has some friggin awesome tunes on it. It also works right into the type of stream Im playing this week (anthem/arena/ stadium...whatever... rock). Im in the process of proofing some of the music for the stream as I write this (ooh J Geils....aint played that one in a while...and Triumph....hmmm). I got my hands on a couple other artists' works that I hadnt heard before (well ok I've heard OF the one group, just never checked out their tunes...) and I think I'll toss a song from each into the stream this week.

Got an email from mom today. Her doctor called today and her gall bladder surgery has been scheduled for October 18th. She'd rather have it done a whole lot sooner so she has less time to worry about it but it's not to be. I guess that since she's not in excessive amounts of pain (like I was) it's not considered an emergency. Oh and good news on that front. I got an email from both mom and daddy yesterday stating that daddy has been cleared to go back to work *finally*. Did I mention he'd been in an accident around the time I went to the hospital last year for my gall bladder? Well he's been out of work all this time and on therapy for his arm and shoulder. It's been a while because they've had to fight the insurance company every step of the way ( one of those you cant go to therapy until you know they'll pay for it yet the insurance wont pay until you've been there for an evaluation yet the PT wont touch you unless the insurance pays....*shakes head* ).

I received an envelope from my SCSis today. Inside I found an Amazon gift certificate for $25 (for my birthday...yeah she knows it was late..LOL). I give you one guess how it got spent...LOL. Im expecting 4 cds soon and all it cost me is 24 cents. Gotta love those gift cards. I'll be receiving Lao Tizer's Diversity (new jazz), John Stevens' Red (the redhead from year 3 on AI), Aly and AJs Insomnia and a Natalie cd. I cant wait. Especially for the Lao Tizer...I ~LOVE~ his music. After shopping I called my SCSis and thanked her for the gift(s). This weekend I'll be burning a cd or 3 for her and sending it as a surprise. Ive got a TLC cd that I'll be slipping into that package for her. I happen to have a copy of one she'd had before but it got the ole "5 finger discount" in one of her previous homes. Since I only like 3-4 songs off it and I know it'll make her happy, I'll just send it along to her.

Updates, MySpace, cds I cant wait for, and ripping a new orafice in someone's glutius maximus

Hubby's not feeling so hot today. We havent decided if it's because the pain killers are seemingly wearing off faster and faster (God I hope he doesnt get dependant on those things!) or if it's because he hasnt been allowed to take any allergy pills this week because of the other meds they have him on. It could be that he's also fed up with work and is torn between leaving now or waiting on that nice severance package. I've told him on the issue of the latter he needs to do what he feels is right for our immediate family. Once that's settled then I can make some of my own decisions.

He's got another appointment at the ENT Thursday to make sure everything is ok up in there and have his sinuses shop vacced out. Im hoping she says he can come back into bed with me. Gosh it's getting lonely (that and the fact there's no friggin sex because we dont want any blood rushing to the head...man this sux) in that bed all by myself. Oh granted the cat climbs up in there with me but it simply aint the same.

The urologist's office called yesterday regarding his appointment this Wednesday. I beeped hubby and asked about it because I was totally unaware there was another appointment already and he said there shouldnt be to please call and cancel. So I called and asked about it. I told the receptionist there was no way he'd have made that appointment (and I was right) for a Wednesday because he works every other Wednesday and last week was an off Wednesday (that's why the surgery got scheduled then) and no way would he have made back to back Wednesday appointments. She checked his file and asked if he'd done his 24 hr urine catch for lab yet and I said no...he hasnt had time because of surgery last week. The dr had said to wait until he'd had his follow up from his ENT first. So we cancelled the appointment so we wouldnt get charged. I get a call today from the nurse that's there normally to clarify and she herself said..."I have no idea how the hell he got scheduled. I didnt put it there and I remember his appointment. He hasnt called for the stuff to do his urine catch. When he does get around to that have him call to have blood work done and he can schedule for the next appointment at that time. It'll be 2-3 weeks before we get results anyhow." *shakes head* The ENT had told me during my appointment that they were having trouble with their front desk personel and their lack of communication with the patients. Maybe the urologist office has been hiring from the same personel pool....

I actually sat down yesterday with every intention of writing in my blog but got sidetracked in my MySpaces (yeah Im lame enough to have more than one) and ended up freshening up the decorations in them. Im still not quite happy with the LadyStyx one but the ***starshine*** account is looking fab. Go figure the account Im still not sure what I wanna do with is the one that looks fab. Maybe I'll just close the Yahell 360 I have and use the ***starshine*** account instead. Im not using my 360 much anyhow. In fact Im using it so damn little that I've taken to just putting the first few lines in the entry there and a link for them to come read here anyhow.

We all know how excited Im about that one cd coming out (*chanting Bo Bo Bo Bo!!!*) but there are a few more that Im really looking forward to. This week's release that Im getting is KT Tunstall's newest cd called the Drastic Fantastic. If it's anything like her Eye to the Telescope cd, I think Im gonna enjoy it....alot. The word out is that it's better though. Im looking to get the new Bruce Hornsby cd (Camp Meeting) sometime in the next week or so. It was released on August 7th and it's all jazz. I havent seen it in WalMart so I think I'll end up grabbing it through Amazon. Thinking of grabbing Herbie Hancock's Possibilities there too (that one was released August 30,2005). It's a compilation cd much along the lines of Santana's All That I Am cd. Im also looking forward to the new Vanessa Carlton cd called Heros & Thieves which will be releasing on October 9th. Im liking the one track off it and will be playing it sometime this weekend....unless I decide on a particular theme, then it may have to wait.

This last weekend, hubby and I didnt do much. We'd done all our errands Tuesday night and so didnt have to go anywhere. As such we vegged infront of the bigscreen and watched movies Friday and Sunday. I think we watched at least 3 each of those days . Friday we watched the two Underworld movies and I think there was something else but danged if I can remember what it was. On Sunday we watched Liar, Liar, Ultraviolet, Aeon Flux and Over the Hedge. I'd seen the first and last ones before. Ultraviolet wasnt all that and Aeon Flux, though similar was slightly better (not by much though).

Many of my friends know the rules about me picking up the phone. If I dont recognize the number I wont pick up. Why? Because of that good for nothing piece of crap rotting in the Pennsylvania prison system who could be getting out any time now. As such, if you're using a calling card or a new number and your name doesnt come up on my caller id I wont pick up. My friends all know that if I dont pick up either that has happened (it happened to my TXSis when I switched phone providers) OR Im busy. In either case they know to just start talking and once I realize who it is 9 times out of 10 I'll pick up and chat for awhile. Most companies, once I explain this to them are really good about starting to leave a message. Other companies, however, arent so good about it. Take Catherine's... their call comes up as Not Provided with a phone number. They call once in a great while to let me know about specials going on....maybe like once every other month or so. When they get the machine, they simply leave me a message telling me what the special is and then leave it at that. Personally, I could just tell them to quit calling because Im on the email list and get all the notifications anyhow. I dont because they dont make a total nuisance of themselves and every now and then it's nice to have the reminder. Columbia House, on the other hand, is a different matter. They've taken to calling 2-3 times PER DAY...and their number comes up Not Provided as well. Instead of leaving a message, they simply hang up. They've hung up on my machine, they've hung up on me (when I get pissed enough to answer) and they've hung up on hubby. Thank goodness for http://www.whocalled.us/ otherwise I'd never know who to get crabby with. I got into Columbia House's privacy rules and saw all I had to do is write them. Ok fair enough....so I write them a nice email telling them basically quit it or I would report them to the FCC and the BBB and while I was at it I was going to cancel my account through them and I was willing to bet my hubby (who has a separate account through them) would too. That email was on Sept 6th. I got a nice response back (9/7) saying they were terribly sorry and would I please reconsider. They promised it'd be dealt with. Ok fine. I'll be patient and let them deal with it. The phone was quiet of a day or two...then it was about 5 days or so. WOW ok so they fixed it. On 9/11 the phone started ringing with their number (thank goodness for post-it notes that can be placed on a computer monitor) again. I figured, ok they're calling for hubby's account then because he hadnt written yet. I let it go a couple days figuring they'd catch on ...right? Nope. So hubby wrote them on the 13th through his account and pasted my email to them and their response PLUS the 4 additional calls they made (in 3 days mind you) they'd made to us into his complaint. While he was at it I hit reply on the message I got from them and told them yet again we were being harrassed and what dates and times they called. We got no answer this time through email. By 10:43am on 9/14...they called again. So this time , armed with a NY attitude I picked up. They asked for my hubby and I told him to deal with them. He ripped them 15 ways from Sunday and Im sure whomever he was talking to noticed they had a new asshole or three. He was told sometimes it took 2-3 WEEKS for the number to get removed from their lists.Yeah right. We figured that this would take care of it....right? Nope the stupidshits called AGAIN at 12:20pm the same damn day. Notice that not even 2 hours has passed at this point. Well I let LadyStyx loose with her NY attitude (not ***starshine*** that bitch is too nice) and I dealt with them. I told them it would quit and TODAY. Every call was being reported to the FCC AND my next step was to take it to the BBB. I was FIT TO BE TIED!!! I ripped this one not only 3 new orafices but I did it 15 different ways. I told her what my hubby was told and I told her that it BEST be done a HELLUVA LOT FASTER! Well I was promised that she was taking the number and account info down and bringing it straight to her boss to be taken care of NOW. We havent had a call from them since. Havent had a letter of apology in email either. I've placed an order to finish up my commitment with them and when it arrives I'll be dumping that account. Like I told the lady on the phone...I can get my dvds cheaper at WalMart. If they dont have what Im looking for, then Im sure other stores like Barnes & Noble or Circuit City may have what Im looking for....and they wont be calling me ad nauseum.

Update on hubby

For those following along, you know that my hubby had 2 appointments over the last couple days. Yesterday, he had an appointment at the urologist's. They did some additional testing and it looks like the huge Death Star that was in him was, indeed, broken down to several more manageable sizes. I gather most of it was dust as hubby said that the results show that he has 2 of them about a quarter the size of the last one. He's now carrying bouncing baby twins...one in each kidney. Sometime in the next week or so he'll be getting a specimen container from them and has to do a 24 hour catch of all his urine. From that point, they'll be analysing the urine and probably taking a blood test to see WTF is going on and why he's getting them so often. My money's still on the excessive caffeine. The only other thing that I can think of is if this problem can be genetic. I dont think so though. I know, Google is your friend...go look it up. To be honest right now Im too damn tired to do so because we were up and going a good 5-6 hours before my body's used to and it just wants to shut down for the night.

Today, he went in for his sinus surgery. All went well. The dr removed a polyp from hubby's right nostril and is going to send it in for analysis. She said she doesnt believe there is anything wrong with it (other than it was occupying space that it had no business in) but just to be safe she's going to have it tested. On a good note , she decided not to put splint up his nose to hold the septum in place, she said he didnt need them. Now watch, if I have to go in and get his done (and it's highly likely) they'll end up splinting my little bitty nose...it'd just be my luck. Hubby's got a couple stitches in his right nostril that will need to come out next week when he goes in to have the sinuses shop-vacced out again. He's bleeding alot more than some but that's because he has high blood pressure...and the fact he wont sit still. Im gonna have to duct tape his ass to the sofa, I just know it. Thank God that stuff comes in clear...this way the neighbors will never notice. He's not to lift, stoop or do anything to make the blood rush to his head. With any luck we can stop bandaging his nose in a couple days. I cant wait because we're having to change the bugger out every 3-4 hours....sometimes less.

This last week

We've had a busy week....well at least hubby has. The poor guy came home aggravated every damn day. Part of him would like to quit this nonsense right now Im sure, but the other part is wanting to hold out for the severance package. I've already told him to do whatever he feels is in the immediate household's best interests. This week so far (and it's only Sunday) has the makings to be not much better than last week. Consolation is that he gets out for part of the day on Tuesday due to an appointment at the urologist's. I dont think he's passed any more stones...at least he aint said he has...but hubby's the type to not mention things if he dont want to worry me or he feels it isnt important enough. *inserts eyeroll* I keep telling him that Im going to worry either way and I just worry worse when he doesnt say anything.

Wednesday hubby goes in for his sinus surgery. The good thing about this surgery is that he wont be able to smoke for days afterwards. Im hoping it's enough to help him kick the habit permenantly. He told me a side effect is a temporary loss of smell and taste. So long as it makes those damn weeds taste terrible and helps him quit, Im all for it!

Got my project done for daddy and got it all shipped out to him on Saturday. He should be getting it on this coming Friday. Got an email from him saying he sent a check off to pay for the shipping of the unit. My bet is that he wrote a check that covers the shipping and then some. I wish he'd waited...hubby had told me not to tell him how much. Of course we went through this before in May when hubby pulled the "electronics fairy dropped it off" routine so I suspect daddy was ready for the same thing this time around. If I know hubby, he'll cash it and it'll end up mostly in my purse by the time things are said and done.

I did something different during my stream Saturday. Im known mainly for new music and rock during my shows but this week I played all jazz. It was such a nice change of pace and those that showed up (and the lil Miss Dufus that got me on the outside...*laffz* *HUGS*) seemed to enjoy themselves alot. I should play that stuff a bit more often.

Not much got done today. It stormed for about a couple hours or so so I sat and watched some tv. After the storm I worked on my MySpace and freshened it up as well as put the music up that I am promoing for the week. I think that's about all for today....I hear hubby home so Im gonna go see how things were today.

Havent felt like writing, lotsa stuff going on, Bo Bice vids (thank you twinrockers!!), and a recommendation on a cd...

Im not certain what it is. I was doing so well there for awhile too....even in the Padded Room entries. All of a sudden it's like I just cant bring myself to put anything down in font. It's not as though there isnt anything to talk about... Im thinking it may be that medicine Ive been on lately. I took the last dose last night so it should all be over soon. All I know is I feel like curling up and doing absolutely nothing...well I take that back, I feel like crying...for no real reason.

Daddy sent me an external harddrive that he bought for himself and asked that I do a few projects for him and slide them onto the drive before sending it back. The bugger is 250GB...TWICE the size of BOTH my C and E drives put together. Im working at getting hubby to buy one of these buggers for my music and art stuff. This way I can work on anything I want at any location. Unfortunately, with as small as my drives are (my computer's going through an inferiority complex and the external aint even out of the box yet) it's going to be slow going. While I was working on his projects (ahhh gotta love multitaskin) , however, I managed to clean up most of my E drive and found a good 8 GB of space that had been junked up with duplicate music files and music I dont play that often. I moved the stuff I dont use for my streams to my C drive and will more than likely get rid of them entirely (except the seasonal music and the instrumentals). As I was cleaning I found several other artists that my SCSis would like so I think I'll surprise her with another cd. Her hubby's birthday is this Saturday and he'll like this music too. Once I get it all said and done and decide what Im keeping and what's going to get pitched I'll be using my file program to list all the music and if the file isnt too big (yeah right) I think I'll print a hard copy for reference.

I got an email from my mommy the other day. She was telling me that she'd gone to the doctor's for an abdominal scan. I gather a month back or so she'd been telling me about some symptoms she'd been having and I'd recommended going to the dr and asking if it isnt gall stones. Sure enough the CT scan came back and she has a hum dinger in there. The largest stone measured 2.39 CM and there were several smaller stones around it. DAMN I didnt know those could get so damn big!! She's due to go to a surgeon for consult on Sept 19th. I told her the surgeon's gonna say the gall bladder will need to come out. Can you imagine something that size breaking loose and getting wedged in the tube right outside the pancreas? Ugh. We've been writing back n forth for a couple days now with her asking questions and me giving her a heads up on what to expect. Dad's freaked because "any surgery can be potentially bad". Unfortunately this is going to be a necessary one to keep her well. I only hope they do the "3 lil hole" operation and dont have to do it the old fashioned way (incision from sterum to belly button). I didnt mention that to her as I didnt want to worry her anymore than she is as she's as nervous as I am around doctors. I'll keep ya'll updated on that.

With any luck hubby will be getting his sinus surgery on the 12th of this month. Those stinking kidneystones (which I dont believe he's passed quite yet...at least he aint mentioned it ) just threw us for a damn loop. Because of the timing he had to push his surgery on his sinuses back and I have a hunch we're going to run into some conflicting scheduling. I know that I have an appointment at the obgyn on the 13th and he might not be able to drive so I'll need to reschedule that but I wont call them for a couple days yet....no sense calling them twice over the same thing ya know. Maybe better yet I'd better call them right after I write this entry because I know it wont be this month we can do anything anyhow. Oh hell, wait a minute...it's Labor Day and they wont be open. I guess I'll call tomorrow.

I got up today a trifle earlier than usual. After looking at the clock, I attempted to roll over and catch another hour or two worth of ZZZZs. I dont know what it was but came wide awake and sat right up. Evidentally something was wrong... I got up and did my usual wake up procedure (medicines, let the dog out, make a quick trip to the potty while dog is out, etc etc) and nothing here seemed amiss. I let the pooch in and turned on my 'puter and there it was....a note in my email from hubby entitled "Truck died". Good God. A little background on the truck...it's a 1988 Ford Lariet and up to this year had rarely given us a speck of trouble. It's been to and from Tennessee countless numbers of time and helped us in 2 moves. In essence, it's old and tired. It's gotten so we'll get one thing fixed and shortly after something else will go kablooie. Thankfully, it got him all the way to work and only gave out when he got to the gate. He was able to coast it into a parking space. Hubby says that the water was all dried out (he just filled it a couple days ago mind you) and that there was oil everywhere. Right now we're praying that it's not going to be an arm and leg fix. We're hoping his friend (the dude who works the night shift on the same days that hubby works) can help fix it. If not we'll need to tow it to Brown's garage, and get an estimate. I have a hunch it's gonna get towed there and then towed back home. Personally with the money we're starting to chunk into it on a regular basis we may as well put the funding into a mileage friendly rental car. Especially since some parts on that bugger cant be found easily anymore and will need to be custom made.

Ok, so maybe it aint the medicine....

I am, however, excited about the new Bo Bice album due out next month (as if the banner and the countdown on the home page wasnt clue enough). It looks to be quite exciting if the rumors are to be held true. I got a bulletin in MySpace today suggesting a few of the songs that may be on the album based upon the songs he's been doing in his shows. They even were kind enough to to put some videos in their bulletin. The videos arent the best quality but what can you expect from low budget cameras at a live show? I've reposted it at the bottom of this entry (and if anyone's looking for lainie in the next few days, I suspect she's still watching the videos below...LOL) Im thinking of posting a different Bo video every week until the release date. Im thinking on the Home Page.

Oh and while I was scouting for tunes... I noticed that Bruce Hornsby has a new cd out called Camp Meeting. I checked it out in Amazon and it's a nice jazz album. Those that like jazz may like that and while you're at it check out the George Benson & Al Jarreau Givin It Up album. I bought that puppy on a whim and am so glad I did. They've got some great stuff on it. I'll be playing some on this coming Saturday's stream. I'm thinking of doing something different (for me it's different) and playing all jazz and big band stuff. If anyone has any ideas for that type of stream drop me a note.

*****************************************
The Bulletin I was discussing:


----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: twinrockers aka u2vixen
Date: Sep 3, 2007 2:40 AM


Though official word has yet to be released, it is expected that Bo's new cd due for release on October 23 will include these new songs he performed at his recent gigs, giving a fresh vibe to the music we call southern rock.

I'm Gone


American Blood


See The Light


Only Words



This one's really hot... Aaawww!!
Witness

just mish mosh

The picture at the top is the Dallas skyline during the daylight. It takes on quite a look after dark as seen to the left here. The second largest building on the skyline with the ummm ~unusual~ shape to it is Reunion Tower. As you can see...it ummm looks even more interesting after dark. So yes....everything pretty much IS bigger in Texas... LOL (oooh bad bad). The one with the interesting angles is Fountain Place. That one's a pretty one to see at dusk with the sunset reflecting off of it. The goldish looking one is called Bryan Tower. It's actually got gold reflective glass on it. The pix of Fountain Place and Bryan Tower are ones I took on our trip to the Dallas Aquarium. I found a great interactive map while looking for that picture I have at the top of the page. For those of you interested in the history of buildings and such, it's got the details and background on each.
Hubby and I had a wonderful night last night. He surprised me by calling about 20 minutes earlier than I expected and told me he was on his way home Just a nice meal out at Olive Garden and back home. I had the seafood fettucini and a sangria while he had the parmesean crusted tilapia and a frozen margarita. Poor guy had had a long day at work and I was pretty much tuckered out when we got home so we both headed off to bed as soon as we returned from supper. We were so tired infact, that my peepers didnt even stay awake long enough to see 10pm on the clock. Needless to say I was up bright and early this morning (630am....damn) and couldnt go back to sleep....now Im tired. LOL. I've read all my email, all the blogs, commented, responded, written my blog entry here and reworked the layouts on two of my areas and it isnt even 11am yet. I still have laundry to do, work my music (proof some, re-rip others) and possibly finish up 2 more of those horses. All I wanna do is sleep now though! Maybe a nice nap first....

urology, PT, upset with my computer, big thanks, and a special day

Hubby had his urology appointment last Thurday. He's doing fine right now but unfortunately hasnt passed a stone large enough for the dr to analize. This could be good as it's entirely possible that they pulverized it so well that he wont pass much more than bitty fragments. On the other hand, it's also possible that the procedure didnt do as it should have and break it down completely. As he seems to have the stones that wont show on an x-ray and only on CT scans, we wont know until next month when he goes in for his next appointment if anything's left. In other words, they've adopted a "he's not in pain let's wait and see" posture again. *sigh* He hasnt screamed in pain while home, so I know for sure if anything is passing he's not doing it here.

Friday was my last PT session. Looks like there isnt much more they can do for me that Im not already doing for myself. Joey did send me off with another exercise to add to my regiment. I still say my problem stems from that one incident and the fact that Im over weight. Sleeping on my stomach probably doesnt help matters either and Lord knows we could use a new mattress. Any one or all of those could be the problem. I find once I've been up for awhile it doesnt hurt quite so bad but yes there is distinctly still discomfort there. I think Im going to have hubby work some Flexall in daily and see if that helps. The PCP may just need to start sending me to a chiropractor for adjustments regularly. Who knows. At this point I'd say that Im just plumb getting older...but I know for a fact at least ONE of my devoted readers is older than I am and I just know she'd tell me Im still a kid yet. :P~

Im so upset with my computer. Something happened while I was working with my music files and making room because the one harddrive was nearly full. I've been going through and deleting duplicates and making lists of the specific folders so I cleared up nearly 8 GB of space. Well Friday I went looking for a particular song that I KNOW for a fact I had....surprise surpise it wasnt in my WinAmp...so I looked in the E: and damned if it wasnt in there either. Infact alot of my tunes were *poof*...all my Christina Aguilera was gone. I can tell ya I noticed THAT one for sure...and the Christopher Maloney and the one Bangle song and today I found a *GASP* Styx song missing!!!!!!!!! Now I know I had that one because it's one of my favorites (no I still had all 3 versions of Lady *whew*). Thankfully I havent lost it all but it's going to be slow going getting things back from disc into the music files.

Big thanks to those who were in on the home page yesterday and today. Your comments mean alot. The fact that so many like the new look just tells me Im on the right track with my pages. I may retweak this page as well to make it easier on those who have trouble reading the pale font on the jean backing. Im going to see if I can add a transparent navy to where the text is (like the green on the front page). It should make it easier to read.

I was going to write more in my pages today but I seem to have run out of time. I spent a good part of the day fixing my playlists on Project Music and writing a nice long novel to a friend (who probably was surprised that it was in her inbox when she got home from work). Plus with all my usual reading and leaving my fingerprints on everyone else's blogs...I seem to have run out of time. I gotta get myself going and dressed because hubby will be home in a bit. You see, today's a very special day. ChicagoLady, Alice and possibly even Tori will know what Im talking about. All they have to do is think back one year ago. For the rest of you newer readers, today is one year since I said "I Do" to the greatest love of my life. As such, he's taking me out to supper and maybe we can grab a movie afterwards. Well the first part is a sure thing, the movie not so much as he has to work tomorrow.

weather, PT and whatever else comes to mind...

Not much going on here. Friday was my PT appointment and I've graduated from the "poke, prod, pretzel" stage to the exercise machines. I knew I was outta shape but damn. I got winded just on the first one! The first machine was one to exercise parts of my back and my arms. It kinda reminded me of a bike tipped on end so you could use the pedals with your hands. I was to go in one direction for 30 seconds and then reverse and go the other way for 30 seconds. This was to be repeated for 5 minutes. Going forward was no problem...the opposite direction was harder. I told Joey that next time I was starting off backwards so I could do the easy direction last! LOL. After that I was given 2 exercises to do with the latex exer-band (makes my hands smell like I've been handling a friggin balloon). The band I was sent home with and I gotta do those exercises 2 times daily 15-20 reps. The first one Im to keep the arms bent and parallel to the ground the other I move the hands down and to the back. The last machine I was placed on was similar to a recumbant bike (where ya seated and stretched out some) but you didnt pedal, it was more like the exercise from a stepper. This was so the exercise wouldnt aggravate my knees as much (those stair steppers really do a number on my knees). I was told first session no fewer than 5 minutes but no more than 10. We got talking and before I knew it I was at 4.5 minutes! I decided I was going to push myself to the 7 minute mark and see how I felt. By 7 minutes my body was all like "WTF???" and we figured it was best if I got off before I couldnt walk out. I'd love to get one of those machines in the house for sure. I'm pretty sure I'd be on it daily. I'll settle for a bike if we can get the funding. Thing is with all the medical that's been going on here and the co-pays going out the door, I dont forsee it happening for at least another month or two. Ah well.

The weather's been nice here for a change. It's dropped from the 100's and high 90's of last week to the 80's thanks to hurricane Erin sweeping through down south. No, we werent in any of the flooding. I know a few have been worried about that. Lord knows how the weather pattern will change when Dean decides to make his appearance. The most we got from Erin was a typical Texas storm. Alotta wind, alotta rain and more thunder and lightning. It was a bit stronger than we'd been having but managable. I got blue skies outside both windows today so I wont complain. It's nice enough that after I get done with my blog Im going to take the first two horse pieces that I finished up outside and give them a coat of protectant. With any luck I'll have pictures of them up in the craft area in a couple days. That is assuming the cord for the camera decideds to cooperate. The cat used it as a chewie at sometime or another and now it's in a barely working state. If I could work out what position the cord works best in, I'd do a redneck fix on the bugger and be done with it. Gotta love duct tape.

I was in a friend's blog yesterday and she'd mentioned something about dropping a particular stream spot but not wanting to let anyone down. I dont blame her. When I started my spot it was a busy day. We'd have about 8-10 people in over the course of the day and most would stick around for quite a while. Since then it's kind of whimpered out and most times I sit in the room by myself. Im lucky if anyone's listening in from the outside and luckier still if a couple come in at any point during the stream. It's almost not even worth firing up the program anymore especially when I have a hubby home that I could be curled up with on the sofa watching a movie or some television. Most especially since it's his last night off and he goes to work on Sundays. It would make it so much easier to just keep going if there was an email or three in the email saying that they'd had me on the outside or even an MSN message (or yahoo or ICQ for that matter...) but I rarely get those anymore so I feel like Im talking to myself most times. Im just waiting for the last shoe to fall at my site to be honest. I've always said this was going to be my last place. There are only 4 other places that I can think of that actually have this type of streaming . Two of them you wont catch me at, one Im not comfy at and the other well I wont stream anywhere that wont allow me to "wear" my own work as a banner. The third one I hear is in almost as bad shape as my current place (although it's under new management now and the reason I left is no longer there) and the last one....well like the friend said...I wouldnt want to ruffle feathers and I think there's alot more feathers there that I'd end up ruffling than she would. Besides, that site owner hasnt made an attempt to contact me much in months. I tend to think they dont want much to do with me right now anyhow. I think if the shoe drops and something happens where Im at, I'll be dumping all the stream stuff for good and removing the music as well. No sense having that temptation around. The thing is...I like this hobby...I miss the excitement and I miss making banners. Maybe I should just go look at getting employed at 100.3 Jack because they let you play just about anything you want there. Then I'd be getting paid for what I love doing.

Thursday hubby has a urologist appointment. We'll know if he needs to have another round of Asteroids played on his poor body to get the rest out. We were told it could be weeks before he passed them all. The dr will also be analysing what hubby caught in the net to see what's causing this and see what we can do to reduce the frequency of occurances (he seems to be prone to them...just not normally this large). I think it's his caffeine addiction and if he'd get himself off the Mountain Dew (or at least the amount he drinks of it) then it'd clear up some. Telling him to lighten up on that is like telling me I gotta give up chocolate....it aint happening anytime soon.

an exhausting day

<<>

When we got to the admittance desk, we were greeted with a cheery "Good Morning~". I told (more like snarled) them I'd give credit for it being morning (I had to as I knew the hour was an a.m.) but as for it being "good" not a chance. The lady behind behind the counter said that it was ok because hubby had left a message and at least we got there. How nice of them. Here we are, a half hour late and we didnt have to wait. I thought they were going to need that whole time to get him sedated and stuff, I guess not.


I knew it was a one hour procedure so I wasnt expecting anyone out much before 730am but when it got to be 8am and I didnt see a dr or nurse, I started to get worried. I worried even more when the parents of the patient to my left had some one out not once , not twice, but at least 4 times between 745am and 805 am. Hmmm. Hubby's good buddy from work (the dude that works the opposite shift from him...the one he covered for during that one month) showed up to give us a ride home afterwards. They called me back to see him about 830am or so. Ohhh there's my baby! He looked SO much better. I could tell with the coloring and sense of humor alone. He was already grousing for his clothes because he was jonesing for a filthy weed (bah...I dont know how anyone can put one of those in their mouth..*BLEAH*). While visiting hubby he was telling me that they'd injected him with dye and xrayed him again. Are you sitting? This second set of xrays showed precisely what the first ones did a few days ago....BUBKUSS. Here he's sitting with the internal equivilant of the damn Death Star sitting in his body and they COULDNT FIND IT!!!????!! They ended up doing precisely what we hoped they wouldnt have to do. They had to scope him. I see everyone crossing their legs...particularly any guy reading this. Needless to say, he's a hurting puppy right now. The doctor wants to see him next week to double check and make sure they got it all. He said something about more xrays. Now why the hell are we doing more xrays when the buggers didnt show up the last 2 times?? Anyhow it was explained that sometimes a large particle splinters down and doesnt always turn into a small stone or powder during this procedure. So he gets to spend the next week panning his urine with this cute little strainer to catch the particles coming out. They want to take the stones and see what's going on to give him these stones as this isnt the first time he's had stones, just the first time he's needed help passing them. Now it's going to cost the insurance company 1-2 CT scans, 3 sets of xrays and extra medicine for pain when if they hadnt tied the drs hands. They could have saved themselves the extra set of xrays, an allottment of pain killers and a CT scan if they'd simply allowed the doctors to do what's needed in the first place. No, Im not over that yet and I doubt I will be for a while. It's just so frustrating.

dollies, new cd, PT and kidney stones

I promised in a comment on this morning's entry that I was going to post some more pix of my dolls. The pair on the swingset were the first ones that hubby bought me when I moved to Texas. I'd had to leave nearly all my others behind when I ran in 2003. The one in sage in the backrow of that other pic this morning was one I managed to save by sending out a window to a friend to hang on to while I travelled. Another that I attempted to save in the same manner got broken while the doll was waiting for me to find a new home. Sad as the one that broke meant alot to me.

Anyhow, in the bookcase one...the fairy in purple and the one in yellow are full-body porcelain dolls. Kind of rare as most places put porcelain heads, hands and feet on a cloth body. Those two were ones I got off EBay for like $10 a piece (awesome deal Im telling ya). The one in green sitting and the white angel behind her in the same pic were from Paradise Galleries. The bookcase and swing pix were taken in our last place.

The picture above with the 2 shelves was taken here in the house. The gold and apricot dolls on the bottom were bought in a grocery store and a Family Dollar type store respectively. The doll on the top left was bought in a truck stop while travelling one year. She was gotten shortly after I bought the one in light blue and the one in maroon on the right. I couldnt believe how close she looked to those two and she wasnt even the same company. They and the one on the center bottom spot were all EBay purchases as well. I must have at least twice the dolls now than I did before I left. If I could only find a replacement for the one that broke. That company is out of business though and the doll is rare as anything. I've yet to see her anywhere online.

Today's PT was an early appointment. The sessions are going well. This one was working the soft tissues on that side. He says I have a bit of built up muscle over on that side. No surprise as that's the side I always carried my books on in school and that's also the side I carry my purse on. Nowadays, my purse isnt quite so heavy, in fact the only time it bothers me is when we travel and I have not only the usual (cell, glasses, wallet and all my change) in it but a camera, batteries and extra discs. It's not like a few years back when I carried not only my own stuff but idiotboy's crap too (yeah....slave, whipping boy and pack mule...gotta love it). Anyhow...Im feeling looser on that side. I have a feeling that it's always going to bother me some....just the next thing to fall apart on me. Ah well.

While we were out after PT, we made our trip to Wally World. Figured we'd better get it out of the way before he had his appointment as we didnt know if he was going to be laid up after or not and we really needed to put some food in the house. While at Wally World, I did pick up the Constantine cd. I havent listened to it all the way through yet, but I'll do that while Im ripping it to my computer for streaming use. I'd do it right now but Im double browsing and listening to the music on my front page ;). Sounds like a couple of the files need replacing again. Time to find a place to upload my own tunes so I dont have this problem anymore.

When we got done shopping and came home, I checked the phone handset in the kitchen to see if we missed any calls (the phone has 3 handsets...the main unit is in the office...the other handsets are located in the kitchen and the bedroom). Instead of going to the office to check the answering machine, I simply redialed the one call that had come in. It had come up as Health Central Woman on the id so I figured it was someone from the obgyn for me. This had me worried because they never call with good news...only bad. So I call them back and they answer something about a urologist. Of course considering that it had said Womans Health on the id, it kinda threw me and I asked her to repeat it again at which time I realized it was for my hubby. They wanted him in right away for xrays. We got the spoilables put away and ran back out the door to the urologist's office. Got the xrays done and then the dr saw him. Unfortunately the xrays didnt show much conclusive so they're going with the CT readings. The urologist's office will be calling back on Monday with an appointment later in the week for him. He'll be going to the hospital Im guessing and having one of those noninvasive procedures where they strap some gadget to him and his vibrates and shatters the stone. He was told that this procedure is 80% effective. If this doesnt work then they'll shove him in the hospital and remove it that way. You gotta love these damn HMOs that make you jump through hoops. Personally, if a patient comes in with abdominal pain and something of this magnitude is suspected, I think the drs should be allowed to automatically send the person in for the tests that day. None of this "wait and see" bullshit. If they'd just done that Monday when he went in in the first place, they would have seen how big it was and dealt with it right then. He'd be recovering by now. Ohhh no, let's "wait n see" if it passes. Well GEEEEEEEEEE it's 12MM (nearly a half an inch for us non-metric folks) in diameter, no normal sized man is going to pass that without a shitload of help!! So now my husband has been on painkillers all week and wont get any damn relief until the middle of next week unless he breaks a high fever and the pain become unmanageable....then they'll take him at the hospital and deal with it. Does this make any sense to anyone??? Me neither. Nope...sent him out with another pain medicine which is actually weaker than what they'd sent him off with before. Go figure. Do I sound bitter? You betcha. Are they going to have a helluva lawsuit on their hands if anything goes wrong? Hell ya.

Sociopaths

I think part of my problem lately is something I saw on a tv talk show either Weds or Thurs. I think it was Thurs now that I think of it. I dont normally watch those things because alot of times they'll cover a topic that depresses the hell out of me and I've had more than enough depression for my lifetime as it is. This one particular one I stumbled over was on a segment dealing with sociopaths. When I say stumbled over I mean I wasnt really watching tv, but merely moving from the office near the livingroom through to the bedroom....it'd make things easier if there was a door straight from the office to the bedroom Im telling ya. Anyhow, they had a therapist talking about what a sociopath is and why they are the way they are.

so·ci·o·path (sō'sē-ə-păth, -shē-) noun
One who is affected with a personality disorder marked by antisocial behavior.

Definition courtesy of The American Heritage® Dictionary. Considering the topic I have going in my Padded Room, I found this a familiar yet depressing topic and was wondering what she'd have to say that would explain WHY I had to go through what I did. The definition definitely matches the situation and the person. So of course I have to dig and see how much more matches. While looking up the traits I found a good article
here. For ease I'll put the two most telling paragraphs in here as it's a rather long read otherwise:

Sociopaths have always existed in varying form and to various degrees. They have been known by various titles. They have been studied using various techniques, and through the years their ailment has been blamed on various causes. But one thing never varies: all sociopaths share three common characteristics. They are all very egocentric individuals with no empathy for others, and they are incapable of feeling remorse or guilt.

Sociopaths are very egocentric individuals that lack a sense of personal responsibility and morality. They may be impulsive, manipulative, reckless, quarrelsome, and consistent liars. Sociopaths are usually unable to sustain relationships and have a total lack of remorse for their actions. The sociopath may also be very prone to aggressive, hostile, and sometimes violent behaviour. This aggression may or may not lead to criminal behaviour and often takes the form of domestic violence. Along with these other actions, sociopaths often engage in self-destructive behaviour such as alcoholism or addiction to drugs. This, of course, usually worsens many aspects of the sociopathic behaviour. Despite these previous symptoms, the sociopath may be an excellent actor, always appearing charming, calm, and collected. They usually have a normal or above normal intelligence level and good verbal fluency. It is these qualities that sometimes place the sociopath in leadership positions within their social groups and often make it hard to spot their "black side".

The person in my Padded Room section exhibits signs of the true sociopath as well as the Dyssocial sociopath described later in the article. He hasnt shown signs of the secondary or neurotic sociopath yet, but that's because he's still behind bars from that last time. It's just a matter of time to see if he's going to be a repeat offender. If he ends up behind bars shortly after being released, we'll have our answer to this.

Another article that goes into a list of traits of the sociopath. Most telling is about halfway down in the section labelled Psychopaths Next Door. Here's a link that takes you to the site they got that part of the article from.

Anyhow... back to the tv program. The guest speaker went on to say that she believes there is no cure for this problem and that many people are born with these tendencies. If you go by the listing of traits you can find online, many could easily be called sociopaths. Her biggest point was that although born with the tendency, not everyone goes all Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde. She said her theory was that the environment that the sociopath is born into has alot to do with it. So, a boy child born with sociopathic tendencies gets born into a family where there's a strong father figure that yells alot and talks down to the females in the family...this will more than likely foster a young man who believes it's appropriate to belittle and verbally abuse women as this is all he's seen for his whole life. Once one sociopathic trait is fostered, it stands to reason that other traits will come to the surface right? So what if this ISNT all my ex's fault? What if just possibly it's a genetic problem that cant be cured? Im not sure whether I hate him or pity him at this point. I am grateful that I wont be bearing any kids like him for sure. It also makes me awfully glad Im where Im at now.

I know that was a deep topic but it's kinda been on my mind for a few days.....

Just catching up

I've been meaning to sit down and get this entry done, but the last couple days I havent really felt like writing. It isnt that I havent had anything to write about, for I certainly have plenty to say. I just havent put my finger on it yet. Im sure it'll come to me eventually.

Thursday was a busy day. Thankfully hubby didnt have to work Wednesday so we could get our bodies at least somewhat used to being up at an AM hour. Good thing because my first appointment for the day was at 10:45am. The appointment was at the obgyn with Dr Bascom. She seems to be a nice enough lady and is highly recommended by my PCP. After a nice chat she told me what all we were going to do in an effort to get a baby into our lives. I wont go into details here as they really are a whole hell of alot of tmi. I mean you have to expect it will be considering the dr and why Im going. I think Im going to start yet another blogspot through this account for it. Ive got some ideas on decor for the page, now I just need a nice name.

Anyhow, my second appointment for the day was my PT at 2pm. I gave Joey the whatfor for making me feel like hell the last week. He repeated that he TOLD me he had gotten aggressive. This session wasnt so bad but I think he was taking it easy on me because he KNEW I was going out of town on Friday for my birthday. It also could be that he doesnt feel that I need the therapy for much longer. I still get some pain, mostly when I twist into or lean into that side, but it's not like it was. At least it doesnt hurt when I sit or turn to my left. He thinks there will only need to be another 1-2 sessions. This is a good thing. I still need to do as the first PT lady told me and get some new "overtheshoulderboulderholders" with some better support for my back. That one recommended something with a racing back and wide straps....plus to invest in a sportsbra for around the house as it'll help the rest of my back. I have a feeling I'll need to keep doing these exercises for a while though just to keep it all limber back there. Of course, that may help out that subject in the precious paragraph ;). Ok ok....so...I got a friggin one track mind! Can I blame it on male hormones? *laffz*

Mom and Daddy left me a present in my email in the form of an Amazon gift certificate. You can be sure I was off shopping as soon as possible. Surprise surprise...I didnt buy any music with it! LOL I figured since it was a gift from Mom n Daddy, then it should be something off my list that Mom would have picked out for me so I headed straight for the porcelain dollies. Ok, yeah so, I collect dolls...I also like musical carousel horses. Yes, there is a girly side to me every now n then :P~~. I have expensive tastes in what I like too, but I settle for the less expensive stuff because it's just as pretty. My most expensive piece is a Geppeddo (the company is now out of business...sucks because their stuff is "da bomb") retailling at around $35. The picture to the right is the one I picked out as their gift to me. With their gift certificate, and the little extra in my account there, we only had to pay a bit over $6 for her....less than the $7 ship charge. Gotta love that. Hmm I wonder if Paradise Galleries has anything new....maybe I'll go look later and see if Linda Mason, Linda Hanson or that Tom F have anything on sale.....

Friday we got up and going. I had a few chores to do and we wanted to wait on the mail to show up before we left. I had a chance to to check my emails, blogs and MySpace between tasks and remembered to drop thankyou notes to those who left something nice in the areas I have online. We packed up and headed to Tyler. Tyler is about a 2 hour drive and completely do-able with the seive I call my bladder (more than 2 hours means pitstops along the way). We got ourselves to the Motel 6 in town and then went to supper at the Denny's next door. Servie was a tad slower than I care to have for a restaurant that wasnt overly busy but since there were only 2 waitresses working I couldnt complain too much. After supper we hung around the hotel for a bit and just rested. Around 930pm or so we left for Clicks. Clicks is a billiards hall / bar that hosts bands and supports local music. Some of the bigger names out there started in places such as this so it's rather exciting to be somewhere where the next best band just may make their major breakthrough. After we got in, I immediately started looking for my friend Dane. I figured it should be easy...just find the cute bald dude (kinda like a Where's Waldo game...without the striped hat). Yeah right, my luck there were at least 4 bald guys in the place! Thankfully he came up to get something to drink from the bar. Yet again, he was gracious enough to spend 15-20 minutes sitting around talking with us. Im so damn glad to see that it wasnt a one time deal. Plus I got a hug as a greeting this time....awesome. They were running a little later than planned tonight. I guess the plan was to hit the stage around 1030pm, at least that's what Dane had said in his message to me. Oh well. The show was well worth it. I had had a good time at my first show last year and this year I wasnt dissappointed in the slightest. I think there were some new songs in there as many I didnt recognize (*makes note to get the live cd*). It's hard though in a live performance. Oftentimes they're half way through a song before I realize I recognize it. Not just Squint, but any band in general. Maybe it's just because Im getting older. Who knows.
Im hoping Dane's (that's him on the left) feeling better today after that spill he took. From what he said later the drumset that he normally jumps on was set up just a bit higher than normal. The pic above is from another concert but you can see what I mean about him getting up on it. He'd made mention of it but forgot when he turned to make his approach. Poor guy tripped and flew over the drumset and onto the cymbals located on the drummer's right hand side. In the process, he also tipped over the pitcher of water he had up there and got a wet ass. What a professional to just keep going and laugh it all off! Thankfully, there werent any major damages to him. It could have been worse, an earring or eyebrow ring could have gotten caught and ripped out. The worst he probably got was some bruises and a few cuts because as he said "You cant land on a heap of metal and not expect to get scratched" He did manage to make the leap a couple other times successfully later in the show, although he nearly put his head through the ceiling once (again refer to pic to see how low the ceiling is). From what he said he was hopped up on steroid shots from the day before....he'd gotten majorly stung by wasps while cleaning his yard and had to go to the hospital. The shots were to help him from being in pain as many muscles were hurting terribly. I hope Saturday's show in Shreveport was easier for him.

Well, I think Im going to scoot. I still need to do an entry for the Padded Room today (maybe) and I think I'll start working the page for that other section...or at least getting some ideas together. Maybe I'll just go out and spend time with my babe. He came home sick today. I guess he was in pain at work and went straight to the dr's office. Looks like some kidney stones are trying to pass. They say if they arent out by Wednesday that he'll be needing to go in for some scans. They took blood and his sugar's up as well. He's on the sofa right now with his three meds lined up...one for pain, one for nausea and one for his sugar.