The start of a joke

I meant to start this on the 13th but couldnt remember where I'd tucked it away. I really need to stop putting things were they'll be "safe" because I can never find them again ( I guess they're really safe if I cant find em again!). Anyhow I meant to start this on the 13th and post a segment a day but since we're already on the 21st, I'll post all up to the corresponding day. The rest I'll try to post on the day it's meant to be posted. This is an old joke that I remember from way back.... I hope you enjoy it.


The Twelve Days of Christmas

Dec 13th

Dearest John,

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift!. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With deepest love and devotion,


Dec 14th

Dearest John

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves! I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All My Love,


Dec. 15th

Dear John,

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one? Now, I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - three (3) French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind!



Dec. 16th

Dear John,

Today the postman delivered four (4) calling birds. Now, really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're really being too romantic!



Dec. 17th

Dearest John,

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings: one for every finger.You're just impossible, but I love it! Frankly all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,


Dec. 18th

Dear John

When I opened the door, there were actually six (6) Geese a-laying on my front steps! So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through all the racket. Please stop!



Dec. 19th


What's with you and those fucking birds?! Seven (7) Swans a-swimming. What kind of goddamned joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny, so stop with those fucking birds!



Dec. 20th

OK Buster,

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight (8) Maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those damned birds, and 8 maids a-milking, but they have to bring their goddamned cows! There is shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house anymore.

Just lay off me, smart-ass!


Dec. 21st

Hey, Shithead,

What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine (9) Pipers playing, and Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours,


to be continued....


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