I cant believe it's been so long...

...since I wrote in here. There really isnt a whole lot going on right now (although I bet this entry will say otherwise by the time Im done) and I simply havent been able to bring myself to write. I just dont have the desire to to much of anything lately. I know what it is though as I've been through this before. The only difference between the last time and now is that Im married to an awesome man that doesnt verbally abuse me every chance he gets. However, the stuff going on pretty much triggers flashbacks and shit which brings up the same depression I had before. Thankfully I havent gotten to the point of wondering if anyone would miss me if I fell off a roof or anything, but the headaches have returned and the lack of desire for anything short of eating, wanting to cry and sleeping constantly. I know...I really should discuss this with the doctor...

It's been a week and a half since I wrote that "friend" and havent heard anything yet. I suspect I probably wont. I do know via a 3rd party that she at least got the message, now whether she actually READ it is another story. I do know that she asked said 3rd party what she should do about it and what she was advised to do. Ball's in her court at this point (damn this sounds familiar). If I hear back..great, if not...well it's her loss. I did, however, leave her some links to look into to help her with her problem. Wouldnt you know, while I was looking up stuff for her I found one or two that may help me. Maybe I should actually look into them today.

Havent done anything more in the line of applications yet. I do have a list of 7 or 8 stores in the mall around the corner that I may be applying to this week. My depressed state pretty much is holding me back here. Im going to have to do some thinking and see if I can figure out why filling these apps out is scaring me so much. I just feel so damn afraid. Is it the fear that our relationship will change? Or is it simply that Im afraid of getting settled in a place and have to leave it because of a position he ends up taking? Worse yet, if I go seasonal and get laid off in January....will he have a job by then? Should I be looking for something permanent instead just in case he has a hard time finding something? Just so many questions and no right answer for anything, but then again is there ever a right answer for anything? Maybe I should just bite the bullet and just go for it...all the places on this list are nationwide anyhow.

We've had temperatures jumping around the last week and a half. Not exactly conducive to feeling well for sure. Last week I ended up going into the dr's office to have my throat looked at. I had been taking all my meds as well as the Flonase so I was sure my problem wasnt allergies and hubby said many at work had been sick. I figured to be on the safe side I better go in because what I was looking at in my throat certainly APPEARED to be strep throat. Turns out my glands just went a little haywire and the dr I saw figures it was the change of weather. If it didnt get better in a week to come back. Thank goodness it wasnt strep. The other vitals were 98.7 (a bit high for me...I had the headache to back the fever up too), 272.5lbs (only a half pound up from last time...not losing but not really gaining either) and a 128/74 for a bp (not bad for an afternoon appointment and I'd been going all day). I didnt get to see my usual dr so I didnt bring up anything but my throat while I was there. My usual dr isnt available until the 12th of this month. IF Im feeling this way come the 12th, I may be making an appointment to see her. Im really kinda picky...if I have a cold or something really pressing I will see almost anyone they have on staff. However, for issues like this (among other things) I'd much rather be seeing just the one dr. I know that they have rather limited time for each appointment and rather than have to tell everything all over again and catch the next dr up to speed (every damn time Im there...it gets frustrating!!!)...it's just easier to see the primary dr (she remembers almost everything I tell her from one visit to the next no matter HOW long it's been). This may stem from the fact that I only saw the one dr while I was growing up and Im not used to seeing so many different people for my health.

Ive been placed under orders to not by the Eagles cd for myself. Seems my SCSis is buying it for me as part of my Christmas gift. Normally she wouldnt give me a heads up but she figured since I stream and I love music it would be in her best interests to make absolutely certain I did NOT have what she was planning on buying for me. Gotta love her. I fussed, of course, over the amount of money that I knew she was putting out but was told it was her money to do with as she saw fit. *sigh* ALl I can do now is accept it and say thanks. I did find something online that I think she'll like though so if we have a few dollars in the next two weeks I'll ask hubby to buy it so I can get it done in enough time. I still have those 2 horse plaques to finish yet and at least one more gift to paint before the end of the month. Maybe I'll start the gift as Im putting the finishing touches on the plaques. While Im waiting on parts of the plaques to dry I could be putting the white base coat on the next item. The base coat pretty much makes it easier to cover an "oops"...especially the darker colors that like to bleed (the bare plaster would soak the color right in and make it much harder to fix). Cant paint until hubby's awake though because I simply GOTTA have my music playing and I cant play music in the kitchen while he's sleeping. Even if I had a set of headphones with a cord long enough...I tend to sing so that option's pretty much out.

Slipped into a different nick and went to visit a couple friends during their streams this week. Normally I wont go where I dont stream but it was nice to see some familiar faces for a change. Really glad I did because for the one it was her last stream. Guarantee I wont be in that site anymore as I have no real reason to go in. The other...LOL....called me a bitch in MSN because I had snuck in. Hey at least I let you know in MSN that I had shown up. I coulda just messed around with you and not said anything...LOL (ooh...I think I got called a bitch again...LOL...thanks for noticing!!!)

Well I guess I gotta scoot. Time to cook something so hubby has lunch to bring tonight. I think I may get the pix off my camera too so maybe if I'm up to it I'll post a few later...or maybe tomorrow. *shrugz*


Karla said...

You weren't just a whistling dixie when you said I had a lot of catch up to do...Dang girl..it's gotta get better....*hugsssssssssss* Hope Ranger is feeling better and I sure hope you are feeling alot better....

LadyStyx said...

Done told ya hun. This best place to catch up when you lose track of me...unless I hit a state of depression...then it's best to email me because I always make time for that.

Ranger doing well...I think he's got a case of depression hitting too. It's hard to be upbeat when the other one is in the dumps. Kinda like a cold...it bounces back and forth.
Am sure it's gonna get better soon...it's gotta or else someone best reserve me a room in Hutchings. But then again I wouldnt mind a trip back home this time of year to see the pretty autumn colors....maybe get some basket weaving in too...


AliceKay said...

Things will get better, Styxie...just keep thinking positive thoughts and it will. (geesh...did i say that?) *shrugs*

Thanks for coming in for my stream. It was a nice surprise. *hugs*

(bout time, Karla)

LadyStyx said...

~smiles~ yeah Alice, you said that.

YEW...it was good to be in to visit.

Yeah...'bout time Karla. ~smiles~

ChicagoLady said...

LMAO at the cartoon! I think mine says that when I step on it, so I avoid it at all costs, even eye contact.

I'm no expert, but maybe you're scared because of the memories, of how you'd get settled into a place, feeling comfortable and WHAM! He would decide you needed to move and start over. Obviously, the uncertainty about Ranger's job doesn't help, it puts more pressure on you to find something, possibly to have to settle for anything you can get. And you've mentioned that you were bothered by the fact that this decision was made for you, instead of you deciding it was time to re-join the working world.

With your bubbly personality, and your experience, any place should be jumping at the chance to hire you. Even if you aren't feeling upbeat about it, fill out those apps. You'd be amazed at how a response from one of them might perk you right up.


Toriz said...

Nice to see a "little" post from you. LOL!

I hope you're feeling better soon. I really think that if you're still feeling this way when your dr comes back, you should make an appointment.

I also think you should just bite the bullet and send in some job applications. As you said yourself, you can't answer those questions you have anyway, so why not just do what needs to be done now, and deal with the future when you need to.



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